Tossed Aside

In the moonlight as she sat there
She remembered everything.
It's painful oh the memory as it goes
led deep into all things.
Never to live, never to love.
Always to be apart.
Broken down that memory lane
her car it would not start.
She revved her engine,
try as she might
she never got to the heart.
He'd never know and never care.
He'd never, ever want to be there.
He'd let it be and let it lie.
That love of there's, he'd let it die.
She'd walk away and cry her tears
She'd walk away with all her fears.
She'd walk away and that would be that.
Tossed aside like an old beat up hat.
- Tricia Markin
3/2/10

Someone Hit The Self Destruct

*This is a note to inform that this poem is a bit dark. You need not worry about me and my health, I have no desire to die.

Someone Hit The Self Destruct

She fell down on the ground, tripped and skinned her nose.
bruised her chest, scraped her wrist and cut one of her elbows.
Clumsy they would call her in her heart and in her soul.
In the physical she lacked some certain finesse and an angelic halo.
She couldn't do it right, most certainly she did it wrong.
She took way too much time and life was becoming too long.
She woke up on the wrong side in the right person's bed.
She couldn't get her whereabouts straight no matter what they said.
She was losing connection, understanding and her care.
Life most definitely was not hers and was not going to be fair.
She made the choice and used her voice and then in this, out she lucked.
She grabbed a chair a rope and her care and she hit the self destruct.

- Tricia Markin 3/1/10

Gone In The Night

Like the prick of a thorn, you pierced me through; the pain, the hurt, the sadness all true.
Never to leave, always to share, lost with one night... no word... no care.
Gone into the night, gone in your car. Frozen and alone, no way to stay calm.
You tossed it away like an old ripped up thing.
The friendship... the memories... the two little girls on the swings.
I'm saddened, I'm disheartened, I'm missing a friend.
Someone I thought would be there till the end.

-Tricia Markin

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day. La la la love. What does this day mean to you? Is it just a money making gimmick? A random reason to feel worthless because you can't find a significant other, or a reason to feel like everything is perfect because on this day love is in the air and anything can happen? Can we treat each other like crap all the other days of the year and then show how amazing we are on just this single day?

Walk down the street and look in wonder at the couples holding hands and canoodling. Getting ready for dinner, delivering flowers, gifting boxes of chocolates and whispering sweet nothings in one another's ear. Why? Because we want to feel special and loved. For some people it rights all the wrongs. For others its a joke not to be taken seriously.

To me, everyday should be Valentine's Day. Not just today, but tomorrow too. Show me the love and the random sweet gifts. Whisper how great I am to me before we walk into the mall. Tell me what you want to do to me tonight when we get home. Leave a random rose on the passenger seat so that when I get in I have that romantic, sweet gesture waiting for me. Why not? Why shouldn't we show our lovers how great they are every day? Some people are born with it. Others try to learn it. Some just don't care to put forth the effort. I think if you truly love someone and you really want to show your appreciation for one another that you won't need a holiday such as Valentine's day to express this. He/She will already know and feel fully loved every single day of the year.

I raise my glass to you Valentine's Day, you truly are the con artist who has duped us all into believing in a false sense of love and perfection. (not to say that I don't enjoy the celebration as much as most of the other silly saps out there, I'm right with you on this one.)

Monday

I have to say of all the days
I hate Monday the most.
Not Sunday or Tuesday or
even Wednesday,
Monday i hate the most.

The woes and whines
and awful times they come on day one
Not great not awesome not any fun
Monday, you have won.
I hate you Monday the most.

Nothing to say, nothing to boast
I hate Monday the most.

-Tricia Markin 2/8/10

A New Beat

Down, down, down she will go.
Where she will stop only she will know.
She tripped, she fell, she skinned her nose.
She bled a ribbon that dripped on a rose.

She lay there in a panic for hours
and then came night and quieted flowers.
she lost her will and all her power.
Nothing new but a greater cower.

Get up girl; the stars you will meet.
You'll feel their strength and forget defeat.
You'll find the future and march a new beat.
The cadence will propel you and always and forever will taste so sweet.

Tricia Markin 2/8/10

A Noise In The Night

One night I awoke
to hear a sound
but when I looked
no one was around

Alone in the dark
eyes wide shut
nothing to calm
my hearts loud thud

A footstep or a door creak?
An animal about?
Frozen in silence
A moment of doubt.

Look to the North
to the East and the West
A prayer far from the South
Let me be safe and at rest.

Protect me my loved ones
keep me far from harm
leave me to live and be comforted,
full of strength and without alarm.

-Tricia Markin 2/4/10

Calling You Home

She walked out the door and into the moonlight.
Her heart beat a wild rhythm.
A field so empty and full of flowers
she tiptoed between them and felt them on her skin.
The smell was divine and tickled her nose and sent her memory into a spin.

She'd been here before.
Once a long time ago in a dream she was here with him.
He'd been the love of her life
a Prince sent to save her from herself.
They'd danced across this very field in the full moonlight.

He'd held her and told her how beautiful and wonderful she was.
He'd brushed a stray hair across her face and offered her comfort.
With a single passionate kiss he'd shown her the future.
She thought it was a dream come to life.
With one moment of hesitation she'd shattered it all and sent him away.

Now as she walked through the field her heart grew heavy.
Sadness washed over her and clung to her skin.
She felt empty.
She knew not how to heal her broken heart.
Now that she was certain, she knew not what the future would hold.

She lay upon the ground in a bed of wildflowers and closed her eyes.
Perhaps in dreams she would find her way.
He would be there in her memory.
In her mind a hand caressed her skin.
She felt his lips brush her neck.

As she opened her eyes it had all become so real...
He gazed at her with a sadness that could shatter diamonds...
And then he spoke the words she had heard only in dreams...
I've missed you my darling and though we've been far apart...
Your heart has been calling me home.

A kiss sealed their passion.
Their souls spoke.
When love is pure it calls you home.
When the heart is true it beats a rhythm that only one other soul will ever know
That soul will be your one true love and it will call you home.

-Tricia Markin
2/1/10

Disappointed Wealth

When sometimes yes
becomes a no
and maybe works
but the mind it's thrown
It's time to have a personal chat
which do I like?
This or that?

When sure is
anything but itself
you find you have
a disconcerting wealth
of questionable questions
throughout the mind
Are you sure,
At this very time?

When, i don't know
is what you've got
you're sure to make
others tempers hot
It's not an answer
so they say
its yes or no,
not sure or okay.

Simply put,
it's all you've got
So be sure to use
your opinion a lot
for if you don't
you'll find yourself
stuck in a rut
of disappointed wealth

-Tricia Markin

It's Your Life.. Grab It!

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm starting to realize that my entire concept on life has been a bit obscure. Truth be told I've spent a lot of time living for everyone but me. I am now realizing that I cannot live for anyone but myself... because I am only one person and I can only control what I do.

Life is just too short to not do the things you love or want to do. If you want to dance... dance. If you want to create art... create art. If you want to travel to the Bahamas for a last minute getaway... do it. If you don't do these things, someday you'll ask yourself what was stopping me? Why did I let all of those great opportunities get away?

I want a few things right now. I want to fill my life with friends and I want to go out and do stuff more than just on the weekends. I want to laugh everyday. I want to think "Damn I'm lucky for all of the great people and wonderful moments in my life." The best part is, I can do all of those things and I really don't need to wait for anything to happen in order to achieve it. I just go out and do it. I will leave you at this point with a poem that touches my heart and makes me think that there is no time like the present.

Live well dear friends
In all you do
tho' paths be old
Or paths be new
But to yourself
Be ever true
LIVE WELL!

Laugh often friends
Tho' passing years
Bring sometimes smiles,
And sometimes tears
For mirth forever
Warms and cheers...
LAUGH OFTEN!

Love much dear friends
For love will bring
The healing joy
And hope of spring
Where pain and fear may never dwell
Nor anguish touch...

And so live well,
Laugh often too
And more,
Dear friends...
LOVE MUCH!

By John McLeod

Lets Debate Feelings

Feelings. Do we need them? Why? I say on one hand that feelings only make us miserable emotionally and physically. One person is in pain everyday and it doesn't go away because they were in an accident years ago, or because a doctor completely f'd up on a surgery. Who wants to feel that for their entire life? Especially if it isn't their fault? My grandfather had his vocal chord severed by a doctor who later was banned from practicing in the US. Is that fair for someone to have to feel the emotion and physical stress from such an awful incident? What about Love. Do we need to feel that? Most often people who are in love and not loved back are in agony. Why bother? If we didn't feel love we wouldn't have to turn into absolute morons over someone who barely knows we exist. Our friends wouldn't have to spend their every waking moment trying to talk us out of it because they can clearly see what is going on whereas we are wearing rose tinted glasses. Why bother with that? How about the person who stays at the job they hate and lets their superiors constantly talk down to them and humiliates them in front of their coworkers and clients? Humiliation is an awful feeling. Feelings are trouble. They make people do stupid things like commit suicide. They make people kill. They cause jealousy which is also a feeling.

Now if you are for feelings, let us look at the positive side.

Love can make you feel warm and fuzzy. Like you are on top of the world. Love can make you feel as if you can achieve anything. Achievements make you feel more successful and maybe even smarter or more valued. What other positive feelings are there? Love which we said, happiness, satisfaction, comfort. I can't think of the others but perhaps one particular feeling makes it worth keeping all of the other feelings?

Feelings. More pain than gain perhaps, but sometimes that one feeling makes it all worth while.

Book Review

This is the list of books I have read since June:

The Virgin Suicides
Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn
Marked
Vampire Kisses
Kissing Coffins
Vampiresville
Dead Until Dark (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Living Dead in Dallas (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Club Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Dead as a Doornail (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Definitely Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
All Together Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
From Dead to Worse (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Dead and Gone (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
A Touch of Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)

Of the above books I would highly recommend to those who love to read about vampires and love, the Twilight Saga, and the Sookie Stackhouse books. Twilight is more about love and overcoming obstacles to be together whereas the Sookie Stackhouse novels are murder mysteries with a little bit of love and adventure mixed in.

Stephenie Meyer is very descriptive, to the point of which she can be almost too descriptive. The books are long because she talks about the daily dull roar of the main character's life. These descriptors to however make Bella's human state seem more fragile and normal compared to the undead state of Edward who never sleeps and has all the time in the world to do whatever he desires.

Charlaine Harris keeps her books moving along with mystery and suspense. They are fairly easy reads that one can seldom become bored with. Some may feel that the lust the main character has sometimes gets a bit irritating, but really the majority of the books are well laid out and keep the reader hooked. I'm already looking forward to the release of the next book in the spring.

Next on the list of books to read are the House of Night books and the Ann Rice novels. I know that these prove to be much different than those of Charlaine Harris and Stephenie Meyer. A good variety of vampire books never hurt anyone, that I know of.

House of Night and Vampire Kisses are definitely a bit more on the juvenile level. I find Vampire Kisses to be a bit irritating in that the main character is definitely a teenager who doesn't think about the consequences of anything and she gives her home town as well as the surrounding towns generic silly names. To mean the main character feels like a Junior High Student and not a High Schooler. Though on the juvenile side I am still curious to see how they turn out.

House of night so far has been interesting, it is a much different spin on the common vampire novel. This book definitely feels like it is about high school age kids. The fights and bullying are definitely the sort of thing you see in this age group. I will be starting the book Betrayed next and I will keep you all posted on how it ends.

If you were to choose one of these series to read, I would recommend the Sookie Stackhouse books.

Two Magical Months

So it's the beginning of October. A month that has a feeling unlike any other. This month has a crispness and a smell unlike any other. It has the mystery of Halloween and the changing of natural colors. So begins the season for sweaters and curling up with a loved one on the couch to watch movies and prepare for the so-called hybernation of winter.

October is a time to get out and enjoy the beginning of a new season, explore the trails, decorate the yard for Halloween, pick out a costume, have a party, watch scary movies. There is a certain excitement that is involved with October, it just feels different. Once November hits the season is in full swing and has a certain blahness to it.

The next magical month is December, which brings a season of giving, and after that the magic of cold, crisp, exciting nights and Holidays is gone. It is replaced by an overly long lasting winter and coldness that most people want to shove on and turn to spring.

Spring doesn't have the same magical feel as October or December because the crispness is gone, no smell of fire wafting from the chimney, no gift giving, but there is the beginning of the green refreshed summer which for me has an entirely different feel, not magic, just refreshing and exciting because there is less need for coats and you can enjoy the green, the color that makes people feel like going outside again.

My favorite season is Summer, but my favorite month is October. The only month that really excites me and makes me want to be more productive indoors and out.

I wish you all a wonderful October and a happy Halloween. Enjoy the month, it is unlike any other. You never know what the weather will be like, but one thing is for sure, the nights are longer and the air has a different smell and feel than any other month.

Ellen DeGeneres?

So this morning as I am looking through the news popping up on my usual sites (msn, yahoo) I notice that Ellen DeGeneres is going to be taking Paula Abdul's spot on American Idol. Um... can we back the truck up for a minute here? Ellen DeGeneres? Hello? Does she have anything to do with the music industry?

Talk about an awkward group of people. I cannot even imagine how awkward the first show is going to be. For some reason I can see Simon, the epitome of manliness, clashing with Ellen (not sure why, lol, but I can just see it). It's wrong, just wrong. It has nothing to do with Ellen's choices, she is great on her own show and perhaps if we put her on the red carpet, but seriously Idol? Not a cohesive fit. I think this could hurt Idol. Once again, I will remind those who have apparently forgotten, Idol is a singing competition.

Perhaps they put Ellen on the show for some diversity after what happened this past year with Adam (whom I adore). Do they think this is going to raise their numbers? I think they are sadly mistaken. Sorry Ellen, my vote is against you, but only because you are not a part of the music industry. Perhaps you will prove me wrong and turn out to have some unknown trick up your sleeve or some amazing singing talent? I really do hope I am wrong, but it seems like such an odd decision. Good luck Ellen.

Food dislike

Have you ever eaten something and it tasted awful but you couldn't stop eating it? That's how I feel about Archer Farm's Salsa Con Queso. One taste was awful with an undescribable tang. Garrett says it tastes highly of salsa but I almost feel like it's on the verge of going sour. Why can't I stop eating it? I think perhaps it's because it is normally one of my favorite now and again treats, but just not this brand. Hmm, maybe if I heat it up it will taste better? The sharpness is almost painful. lol

Twilight book and movie review.

I recently was walking through Marshall's and I noticed that they had the Twilight books. I had no desire to read the books because I heard that they were poorly written; I had heard worse things about the third movie which the director apparently hates. I decided to buy the first book. I read the book in three days. I became addicted to the love story. The passion that I am uncertain could possibly exist in real life. The day I finished the first book I walked back to Marshall's and bought the second book. I read that book in three days as well. The day after I finished the second book I went out and bought the third; that book was finished after two days and I now need to go buy the fourth.

The story is best in the second book and I can see why some would say it's not well written. There is way more detail than is needed in each book. They tend to ramble a bit and go over things that are unimportant. I still kept on reading. Drawn into the feud's and passion that the main characters were projecting. Last night I watched the movie Twilight and I was greatly disappointed. I nearly shut it off. The best part of the movie is probably the baseball scene. The writer could have done so much more with this movie. It could have been a beautiful piece or artistry when finished, but when it came out of the oven it was a mushy half-baked cake that lacked heart. Edward's strengths and speed were so poorly done, so hokey that it was agonizing to watch. The book is about five hundred pages and the movie was severely chopped and crap that wasn't needed was added. Disappointment aplenty.

I recommend the books and not the movies at this point. If the second movie is as bad as the first, or worse, then it will not be worth your time or patience. Despite the awfulness I am still very drawn in by the passionate love story that surrounds Bella and Edward.

Out for a stroll

So imagine you are sitting on the couch with your significant other, looking out the window, talking, and enjoying each other's company. As you watch people walking by you think to yourself, what a beautiful day outside.
In mid-conversation a new set of walkers come into view. You see an old woman and an old man walking down the street with a little bitty dog in tow and a stroller in front.
Now this is the point where one may react uncontrollably. As you look at the stroller you realize that it is not a child but a large orange cat, just sitting there enjoying the ride.
Garrett and I looked at each other and started laughing.. how is it that this cat is staying in this stroller? We have seen the oddity one time since and laughed just as hard the second time. I hope the people were not offended, our window was open at the time lol.

Sex and the City

So as I sit night after night watching Sex and the City, I cannot help but wonder if life is really like that for anyone? Beautiful mid thirty-somethings going out and drinking martinis in New York, laughing and joking and dating man after man while always looking beautiful? They work their perfect jobs and gossip. They take trips together. Do people have groups of friends like that who meet up every week and do stuff together, breakfast, lunch and dinner, all through their lives?

"Elizabeth Taylor got gang banged in the dog park? That's so totally 80's" Their are many great lines though.

It's true that perhaps we have friends in our lives that we feel close to like the girls in Sex and the City, but do we have a foursome of friends who go out and do stuff constantly? I wish we did.

Perhaps some place, somewhere, there is a group of girls who live exactly like the girls from Sex and the City. Are they happy? Do they love their lives? Do they love all that time spent with their friends? No one could possibly know the true color of the matter from this side of the fence.

To my girls, I love you even if we aren't together every week.

Writing

So at this point I continue to work on my book. I'm not sure however that I'm going about it properly. I wish I knew how other authors went about things and what there order is. I am reading books still on plot, structure, writing fiction, etc. It seems to be helpful but it still frustrates me because I want to write the best book possible. I need to get published; it is not even a question. How did J.K. Rowling do it? How did Nora Roberts? What about Tolkien? Has it gotten harder yet to get published, was it easier five years or ten years ago? I guess the only option is to keep on writing and try to get it published.

YAY ROCKFEST!!!

It's been a while. I just got back from Florida, the trip was awesome. Garrett and I had a great time. After we got home I got to have a girls weekend with some of my sorority sisters, we went tubing and then we went to dinner at El Patio and then it was off to the bars to mingle and enjoy a few drinks. On Saturday Cassie, Alisa, Tara, and I went to the beach in Hudson and then we, minus Alisa grilled out at mine and Garrett's house. It was a lot of fun. A truly nice weekend.

Now we get to begin the process of preparing for Rockfest. I'm so excited, this is the weekend in the year that I always look forward to and cannot wait for. Rockfest, a long weekend of music, drinks, friends, family and fun. This year it will be Me, Garrett, Matt, and Brandon. Though Cassie is around she is unable to go. :'o( Sad. Next year perhaps. It would be wonderful if we could get a big group together and have 8 or more campsites.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and that they are taking advantage of the beautiful weather. I know we are. ;o)