Tricia's Mark

Dreamt of Awakening

2011-05-07T23:12:00.003-05:00

I dreamt a dream,
This dreamer did.
I dreamt a dream,
From love I hid.
I dreamt a dream,
I was too scared.
I dreamt a dream,
I was unprepared.
I dreamt a dream,
I didn't stay.
I dreamt a dream,
I pushed him away.
I dreamt a dream,
I fought so hard.
I dreamt a dream,
The Queen was my card.

I came awake,
I found him there.
I came awake,
I began to care.
I came awake,
I bared my soul.
I came awake,
I found my goal.
I came awake,
I had some fun.
I came awake,
I saw the sun.
I came awake,
I did not run.
I came awake,
He was the one.

Patricia Ambers
5/7/2011

Writing It Down

2011-03-18T21:15:00.003-05:00

For the life of me I will never understand how a thought or an idea can be in my head one moment and gone in the next. Dreams I understand. You are in a different part of your mind when you are dreaming so when you reenter the living, breathing world, it is only right that you leave the dreamland behind.

In my dreams I am hunted. Not every night any longer, but some nights still. Some nights I scream and cry in my sleep. Some nights I think I may not wake up because of the horrible things that have happened to me in my dreams that do not seem like dreams.

Lucky for me those dreams were never real live nightmares. Unlucky is the fact that I can think of a great story idea and write the entire thing in my head but then moments later I no longer remember the whole story and am unable to write it down.

I've written you a poem,
a poem you'll surely like
it's about the cruelties
of your dream world
and of your real life.
In real life you're not popular
no one knows your name
in dreams you are hunted
and always take the blame.
in the real world you are taunted
in dreamland you are stabbed
in the real world you are tripped
in the dreamland you are grabbed
in both worlds you are mistaken
if you think that it will end
in both worlds you are mistaken
if you think you can defend.
If both worlds are so different?
then why can't you say goodnight?
If both worlds are so different...
why do you fear the light?
They say a dream is a dream
and in your real life you can escape
if this is so true,
then what do you do
when you feel the pain still
after you wake.

T. Markin 3/18/10

It rolls off the tongue like swear words to a sailor. I can write poems, but stories seem to be a bit more of a problem for me. I'm going to do it though. I'm going to find a way to write the book I've been trying to finish for the past couple of years. Some how i will find the right idea and hold tight to it and run with it like a kite taking flight in the wind. This is my time.. I need to shine... "I thought I told ya, Imma Star, you see this ice.. you see the cars.. flashing lights everywhere we are...everywhere we are." - Jeremih

When "We" become "I"

2011-02-27T12:21:00.006-06:00

Sometimes things are not what we believe they are. We think we know how life is, we think we know what's in front of us and we rely on our hearts and our vows to hold strong and true. We believe that we will make it, we will be survivors. What we don't know is that sometimes we survive alone and not together.

Alone, even when we're never alone, a person can feel alone. Human nature is not big on loneliness. We thrive on our experiences with one another. Our social lives would not exist if we didn't rely on others to interact with us. The question is, how do you know what the next step is when you find yourself split in two? When there is no more "We" only "I".

I loved him from day one. His sad gray eyes and his tendency to sport a "Loner" sign. I wanted to know what made him tick. Why he was how he was. If there was more to him than that slightly depressive look that he had while he was walking through the halls at school with his Green backpack in tow and his massive headphones on with discman in hand. I'm sure that Nirvana had to have been playing. Why wouldn't they be? His life was as melancholy as Kurdt Cobain's end, or so it would appear he believed it to be.

I followed him to my first English class of freshman year. I immaturely made faces at him during class to see if that sadness could invert. It did. He looked at me and made a face back. It was childish I know, but we didn't care. It was the beginning of something that neither one of us knew how to control. I fell in love with him over the scoldings of Mr. K. We would meet everyday before school and then in between classes. On weekends we would go to each others homes and hang out listening to music, watching movies like Airplane and Hot Shots. He loved comedy yet the irony was that his life was anything but.

That first summer I had my tonsils out, I was full of spit and vinegar toward the situation. I blamed my parents, well, mostly my mom. I didn't want to do this, surgery terrifies me. I was forced under the knife to put it dramatically. I lived. But when I came to I was greeted by a call of sadness from him. His parents were separating. We speculated frequently about how this could happen. Why would this happen? What was the cause? He claimed he had no idea it was coming and now I know that for most people it would be hard to not notice but for him, it makes sense. They divorced and remarried and life went on but many wounds were not healed.

We broke up in January. He didn't care if I was in his life it appeared. I wanted attention. I wanted to feel loved and desired. Some things he did showed this, but others didn't. I was young but i knew that there had to be more passion. Not a day didn't go by that I didn't want him back. But then he no longer wanted me. He found someone else with as much distaste for life and the world as he had. Her name isn't important but to those involved and she knows who she is. She doesn't know how much I hated her those days, even though it wasn't her fault that he wanted to be with her. He hated me for my decisions at that time as well. One guy in particular showed me he wanted my attention and that burned him up inside. He hated him. He brings it up still 15 years later. What for? It was high school.

Years past and relationships for me came and went but he never left my mind. One day it was time to say goodbye. I wrote him a letter. College was coming and i wanted to leave with a clear head and conscience that I did all I could. I told him I wished him the best and good luck. Before I left I met another guy. This guy was the thorn in my side for five months. Of course when the new guy came along, at that point my long lost love decided he wanted me back. I told him no. It was now his turn to wait. Five months later I'd had enough of the vanity king and decided to reignite my old flame. Now he wanted me.

We caught fire and people made comments like "you two are so sickeningly cute together," and we both loved it. We believed we loved one another. We decided to get married. He didn't help with any of the planning really. A clue perhaps. No one commented on whether or not they thought we should be together. That entire time I thought people believed we were a match.

The wedding day came and it was like a satire in some ways. I was in my own world thinking. When we saw each other that day for the first time I remember thinking "his reaction is not as excited as I thought it would be." After the ceremony it was like we went our separate ways, he hung out with the boys as we went to a bar downtown. Then at the reception we ate together and did the traditional dances together but most of the night he was at the bar with the boys. The first dance song skipped. My sister in-law to be's mother bitched me out and I'd never met her before that day; he didn't protect me. I was blind. But not to what happened to me. My night was ruined all because of mettlesome in-laws. Not a very good start to a marriage. It took years to get over that to some degree.

We moved to Hudson and started our married life. He didn't want me. I Loved him, but he hadn't been the same since that last semester of school. I thought it was stress. It was more. The melancholy boy from high school was still hanging around and his strength was growing.

He was no longer the man I fell in love with. I found myself right back in the same situation I was in during high school. Leaving because he could live without me.

What happened over the five years of marriage, really doesn't matter. In the end a marriage cannot work if love and passion and a desire for one another is not present. You need to put your health and well being first but after that your spouse should be number one. If you can let love walk out the door without a single protest, even through melancholy eyes. You didn't need that person after all.

Walking away from the past is not easy. It's painful knowing you didn't want to go but you have no choice because the person you fell in love with no longer cares. One might argue that it could have worked. It could have been fixed. To fix it would have required him to say something like "I need you to help me through this, I love you." Instead it is silence that kills.

I come away from this with the knowledge that he may have never loved me. I may never gain true understanding or closure of what happened. I also know that there are people in my life who love me more than he ever did. I know that despite the pain and heartache inside, i will be okay because I am tough. I have been through a lot and I always find a way to resurface and I hope that he does too.

Goodbye To Love

2010-12-31T18:41:00.002-06:00

Three sheets to the wind
and again i hear your name
rings out in the night
like the anger and the blame
bottled up inside
just waiting to explode
feelings so frantic
maybe this time they'll implode.

Can't get past
all the anger and pain
Washing right over me
Like a torrent of icy rain
It breaks the skin
It scars me so deep
maybe tomorrow
I'll finally get some sleep.

You think that I don't notice
you think that i don't care
you think this game that you keep playing
is only right and fair
but those days that you don't come home to me
those days I lay here and cry
On those days and many others
i think perhaps it all was a lie.

So breaking me down
Forgetting about the past
you throw it all away
like an empty broken glass
and you let it slip through the cracks
and you let it become obsolete
but the scars they won't heal
and you'll still get no sleep.

You'll remember me tomorrow
the next day and for life
the way you said goodbye to me
you let go of your only wife.
Wasn't i the creature
to whom you said I do?
Wasn't I your lover?
Wasn't any of it true?

Goodbye my lovely,
Goodbye my friend
Goodbye to our forever
Goodbye is the end.
Walking out the door today,
Walking out for life.
Goodbye and goodnight,
Love, Your Ex Wife.

By Patricia Markin 12/31/10

Let Me Live

2010-08-12T17:45:00.002-05:00

One hand held out, one pulled the other way.
A head turned to look at the damage,
A voice said what it had to say.
Nothing dealt like a hand for life.
Nothing to gain or lose insight.
A twist of the head from side to side
A thought, a memory, a truth, a lie.
A reason to live, a reason to die.

A want, a need, a desire fulfilled.
A dream forever dying and killed.
A pair of lips so soft and true,
A pair of eyes speaking get what's due.
A twist of fate for thought you're free,
A twist of fate with a broken scene.
A path not tread, a path untrue,
a path that says walk... just do.

A moment lost but yet been found
Come and get me, bring me down.
Come and help me, hold me high.
Come and get me,
Don't let me die.
Don't let me scorn what love could be
Don't let me go without a dream,
Hold me warm like the suns true beam.

By Patricia Markin 8/10/10

Gone

2010-03-30T23:28:00.001-05:00

Gone, gone into the night
Without a word
Just out of sight
Without a warning
without a care
Just no one home,
Just no one there?
Not a key left in the lock
Not a minute ticked on the clock
No one's car was in the port
Just gone away without retort.

By: Tricia Markin
3/30/10

Say Yes

2010-03-29T22:43:00.003-05:00

I'll take you now
I'll make you scream
I'll leave tomorrow
but never your dreams
You'll miss me always
Crave my attention
You'll never be alone
when it comes to affection
I'll ware you out
I'll give you a run for your money
You'll call me your love
Your sweet and your honey.
You'll beg for more,
Love will never be done,
You'll desire my lips
whenever I'm gone.
I'll never miss a beat
cause you're my Baby,
We're the perfect mates,
just don't say maybe.

-Tricia Markin
3/29/10

Love's True Vow

2010-03-29T22:19:00.002-05:00

She walked through the hall with her purse at her side
A gown made of silk and the purest of light.
Light on her step she was drawn 'cross the room
Love waited there for her, silhouetted by the moon.

He held out a hand and she took it with a smile,
He spun her around and they glided on for awhile.
Guiding her through the room with the stars as their light,
the moment was perfect and their love was just right.

He the perfect gent to save her broken spirit
He whispered soft words and soothed her fears with them
He offered his soul and every beat of his heart
Always to love her and never to part.

He leaned in close and kissed her red lips
She saw the future with a single glimpse
She was taken by him in the spell he had cast
She knew that their future mattered more than their past.

With a single bow he bent and he stated
With this single kiss I believe our hearts have been sated.
Take my hand and I'll take you home
Never again shall we two be alone.

She nodded her head and he carried her away
She would wake in the morning to a new found day.
He'd love her tonight and seal their vow,
Forever to become her future and her now.

Sunshine's Heart

2010-03-15T21:25:00.002-05:00

It came to me,
a tale of thee.
A lovesick darling girl.
She loved a man
with a smile and a plan
and he gave his heart to her.

The world, a smile
his love for a while
nothing could take that way.
She sang, they danced
he loved her and romanced
until it went astray.

Her heart faltered
there love altered
but only by her choice.
she fell away,
a moment and a day.
Would she ever find her voice?

The future untold...
to have and to hold...
what lover does is done?
Forever gone?
moving on?
whose heart hath been the sun.

Carrie/She Did

2010-03-06T09:42:00.003-06:00

She woke to find he wasn't there.
She smiled, she laughed... she didn't care.
She screamed his name at the top of her lungs
And then she added: it's OVER, it's DONE!

No one would tell her that she wasn't good...
No one would darken her bright cheery mood.
He wouldn't hurt her feelings anymore,
She'd taken her things and walked out that door.

She was free...free at last!
Drop kicked his memory into the past.
Took all the pain and locked it away
NOTHING was going to get in her way.

-Tricia Markin 3/6/10

Tossed Aside

2010-03-02T22:53:00.003-06:00

In the moonlight as she sat there
She remembered everything.
It's painful oh the memory as it goes
led deep into all things.
Never to live, never to love.
Always to be apart.
Broken down that memory lane
her car it would not start.
She revved her engine,
try as she might
she never got to the heart.
He'd never know and never care.
He'd never, ever want to be there.
He'd let it be and let it lie.
That love of there's, he'd let it die.
She'd walk away and cry her tears
She'd walk away with all her fears.
She'd walk away and that would be that.
Tossed aside like an old beat up hat.
- Tricia Markin
3/2/10

Someone Hit The Self Destruct

2010-03-01T21:03:00.003-06:00

*This is a note to inform that this poem is a bit dark. You need not worry about me and my health, I have no desire to die.

Someone Hit The Self Destruct

She fell down on the ground, tripped and skinned her nose.
bruised her chest, scraped her wrist and cut one of her elbows.
Clumsy they would call her in her heart and in her soul.
In the physical she lacked some certain finesse and an angelic halo.
She couldn't do it right, most certainly she did it wrong.
She took way too much time and life was becoming too long.
She woke up on the wrong side in the right person's bed.
She couldn't get her whereabouts straight no matter what they said.
She was losing connection, understanding and her care.
Life most definitely was not hers and was not going to be fair.
She made the choice and used her voice and then in this, out she lucked.
She grabbed a chair a rope and her care and she hit the self destruct.

- Tricia Markin 3/1/10

Gone In The Night

2010-03-01T20:51:00.002-06:00

Like the prick of a thorn, you pierced me through; the pain, the hurt, the sadness all true.
Never to leave, always to share, lost with one night... no word... no care.
Gone into the night, gone in your car. Frozen and alone, no way to stay calm.
You tossed it away like an old ripped up thing.
The friendship... the memories... the two little girls on the swings.
I'm saddened, I'm disheartened, I'm missing a friend.
Someone I thought would be there till the end.

-Tricia Markin

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T13:57:00.003-06:00

Valentine's Day. La la la love. What does this day mean to you? Is it just a money making gimmick? A random reason to feel worthless because you can't find a significant other, or a reason to feel like everything is perfect because on this day love is in the air and anything can happen? Can we treat each other like crap all the other days of the year and then show how amazing we are on just this single day?

Walk down the street and look in wonder at the couples holding hands and canoodling. Getting ready for dinner, delivering flowers, gifting boxes of chocolates and whispering sweet nothings in one another's ear. Why? Because we want to feel special and loved. For some people it rights all the wrongs. For others its a joke not to be taken seriously.

To me, everyday should be Valentine's Day. Not just today, but tomorrow too. Show me the love and the random sweet gifts. Whisper how great I am to me before we walk into the mall. Tell me what you want to do to me tonight when we get home. Leave a random rose on the passenger seat so that when I get in I have that romantic, sweet gesture waiting for me. Why not? Why shouldn't we show our lovers how great they are every day? Some people are born with it. Others try to learn it. Some just don't care to put forth the effort. I think if you truly love someone and you really want to show your appreciation for one another that you won't need a holiday such as Valentine's day to express this. He/She will already know and feel fully loved every single day of the year.

I raise my glass to you Valentine's Day, you truly are the con artist who has duped us all into believing in a false sense of love and perfection. (not to say that I don't enjoy the celebration as much as most of the other silly saps out there, I'm right with you on this one.)

Monday

2010-02-07T22:32:00.003-06:00

I have to say of all the days
I hate Monday the most.
Not Sunday or Tuesday or
even Wednesday,
Monday i hate the most.

The woes and whines
and awful times they come on day one
Not great not awesome not any fun
Monday, you have won.
I hate you Monday the most.

Nothing to say, nothing to boast
I hate Monday the most.

-Tricia Markin 2/8/10

A New Beat

2010-02-07T20:46:00.002-06:00

Down, down, down she will go.
Where she will stop only she will know.
She tripped, she fell, she skinned her nose.
She bled a ribbon that dripped on a rose.

She lay there in a panic for hours
and then came night and quieted flowers.
she lost her will and all her power.
Nothing new but a greater cower.

Get up girl; the stars you will meet.
You'll feel their strength and forget defeat.
You'll find the future and march a new beat.
The cadence will propel you and always and forever will taste so sweet.

Tricia Markin 2/8/10

A Noise In The Night

2010-02-04T20:55:00.003-06:00

One night I awoke
to hear a sound
but when I looked
no one was around

Alone in the dark
eyes wide shut
nothing to calm
my hearts loud thud

A footstep or a door creak?
An animal about?
Frozen in silence
A moment of doubt.

Look to the North
to the East and the West
A prayer far from the South
Let me be safe and at rest.

Protect me my loved ones
keep me far from harm
leave me to live and be comforted,
full of strength and without alarm.

-Tricia Markin 2/4/10

Calling You Home

2010-02-01T19:30:00.003-06:00

She walked out the door and into the moonlight.
Her heart beat a wild rhythm.
A field so empty and full of flowers
she tiptoed between them and felt them on her skin.
The smell was divine and tickled her nose and sent her memory into a spin.

She'd been here before.
Once a long time ago in a dream she was here with him.
He'd been the love of her life
a Prince sent to save her from herself.
They'd danced across this very field in the full moonlight.

He'd held her and told her how beautiful and wonderful she was.
He'd brushed a stray hair across her face and offered her comfort.
With a single passionate kiss he'd shown her the future.
She thought it was a dream come to life.
With one moment of hesitation she'd shattered it all and sent him away.

Now as she walked through the field her heart grew heavy.
Sadness washed over her and clung to her skin.
She felt empty.
She knew not how to heal her broken heart.
Now that she was certain, she knew not what the future would hold.

She lay upon the ground in a bed of wildflowers and closed her eyes.
Perhaps in dreams she would find her way.
He would be there in her memory.
In her mind a hand caressed her skin.
She felt his lips brush her neck.

As she opened her eyes it had all become so real...
He gazed at her with a sadness that could shatter diamonds...
And then he spoke the words she had heard only in dreams...
I've missed you my darling and though we've been far apart...
Your heart has been calling me home.

A kiss sealed their passion.
Their souls spoke.
When love is pure it calls you home.
When the heart is true it beats a rhythm that only one other soul will ever know
That soul will be your one true love and it will call you home.

-Tricia Markin
2/1/10

Disappointed Wealth

2010-01-31T17:20:00.003-06:00

When sometimes yes
becomes a no
and maybe works
but the mind it's thrown
It's time to have a personal chat
which do I like?
This or that?

When sure is
anything but itself
you find you have
a disconcerting wealth
of questionable questions
throughout the mind
Are you sure,
At this very time?

When, i don't know
is what you've got
you're sure to make
others tempers hot
It's not an answer
so they say
its yes or no,
not sure or okay.

Simply put,
it's all you've got
So be sure to use
your opinion a lot
for if you don't
you'll find yourself
stuck in a rut
of disappointed wealth

-Tricia Markin

It's Your Life.. Grab It!

2010-01-31T16:51:00.002-06:00

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm starting to realize that my entire concept on life has been a bit obscure. Truth be told I've spent a lot of time living for everyone but me. I am now realizing that I cannot live for anyone but myself... because I am only one person and I can only control what I do.

Life is just too short to not do the things you love or want to do. If you want to dance... dance. If you want to create art... create art. If you want to travel to the Bahamas for a last minute getaway... do it. If you don't do these things, someday you'll ask yourself what was stopping me? Why did I let all of those great opportunities get away?

I want a few things right now. I want to fill my life with friends and I want to go out and do stuff more than just on the weekends. I want to laugh everyday. I want to think "Damn I'm lucky for all of the great people and wonderful moments in my life." The best part is, I can do all of those things and I really don't need to wait for anything to happen in order to achieve it. I just go out and do it. I will leave you at this point with a poem that touches my heart and makes me think that there is no time like the present.

Live well dear friends
In all you do
tho' paths be old
Or paths be new
But to yourself
Be ever true
LIVE WELL!

Laugh often friends
Tho' passing years
Bring sometimes smiles,
And sometimes tears
For mirth forever
Warms and cheers...
LAUGH OFTEN!

Love much dear friends
For love will bring
The healing joy
And hope of spring
Where pain and fear may never dwell
Nor anguish touch...

And so live well,
Laugh often too
And more,
Dear friends...
LOVE MUCH!

By John McLeod

Lets Debate Feelings

2009-12-17T18:24:00.003-06:00

Feelings. Do we need them? Why? I say on one hand that feelings only make us miserable emotionally and physically. One person is in pain everyday and it doesn't go away because they were in an accident years ago, or because a doctor completely f'd up on a surgery. Who wants to feel that for their entire life? Especially if it isn't their fault? My grandfather had his vocal chord severed by a doctor who later was banned from practicing in the US. Is that fair for someone to have to feel the emotion and physical stress from such an awful incident? What about Love. Do we need to feel that? Most often people who are in love and not loved back are in agony. Why bother? If we didn't feel love we wouldn't have to turn into absolute morons over someone who barely knows we exist. Our friends wouldn't have to spend their every waking moment trying to talk us out of it because they can clearly see what is going on whereas we are wearing rose tinted glasses. Why bother with that? How about the person who stays at the job they hate and lets their superiors constantly talk down to them and humiliates them in front of their coworkers and clients? Humiliation is an awful feeling. Feelings are trouble. They make people do stupid things like commit suicide. They make people kill. They cause jealousy which is also a feeling.

Now if you are for feelings, let us look at the positive side.

Love can make you feel warm and fuzzy. Like you are on top of the world. Love can make you feel as if you can achieve anything. Achievements make you feel more successful and maybe even smarter or more valued. What other positive feelings are there? Love which we said, happiness, satisfaction, comfort. I can't think of the others but perhaps one particular feeling makes it worth keeping all of the other feelings?

Feelings. More pain than gain perhaps, but sometimes that one feeling makes it all worth while.

Book Review

2009-10-18T16:38:00.002-05:00

This is the list of books I have read since June:

The Virgin Suicides
Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn
Marked
Vampire Kisses
Kissing Coffins
Vampiresville
Dead Until Dark (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Living Dead in Dallas (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Club Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Dead as a Doornail (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Definitely Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
All Together Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
From Dead to Worse (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
Dead and Gone (Sookie Stackhouse Series)
A Touch of Dead (Sookie Stackhouse Series)

Of the above books I would highly recommend to those who love to read about vampires and love, the Twilight Saga, and the Sookie Stackhouse books. Twilight is more about love and overcoming obstacles to be together whereas the Sookie Stackhouse novels are murder mysteries with a little bit of love and adventure mixed in.

Stephenie Meyer is very descriptive, to the point of which she can be almost too descriptive. The books are long because she talks about the daily dull roar of the main character's life. These descriptors to however make Bella's human state seem more fragile and normal compared to the undead state of Edward who never sleeps and has all the time in the world to do whatever he desires.

Charlaine Harris keeps her books moving along with mystery and suspense. They are fairly easy reads that one can seldom become bored with. Some may feel that the lust the main character has sometimes gets a bit irritating, but really the majority of the books are well laid out and keep the reader hooked. I'm already looking forward to the release of the next book in the spring.

Next on the list of books to read are the House of Night books and the Ann Rice novels. I know that these prove to be much different than those of Charlaine Harris and Stephenie Meyer. A good variety of vampire books never hurt anyone, that I know of.

House of Night and Vampire Kisses are definitely a bit more on the juvenile level. I find Vampire Kisses to be a bit irritating in that the main character is definitely a teenager who doesn't think about the consequences of anything and she gives her home town as well as the surrounding towns generic silly names. To mean the main character feels like a Junior High Student and not a High Schooler. Though on the juvenile side I am still curious to see how they turn out.

House of night so far has been interesting, it is a much different spin on the common vampire novel. This book definitely feels like it is about high school age kids. The fights and bullying are definitely the sort of thing you see in this age group. I will be starting the book Betrayed next and I will keep you all posted on how it ends.

If you were to choose one of these series to read, I would recommend the Sookie Stackhouse books.

Two Magical Months

2009-10-03T10:48:00.003-05:00

So it's the beginning of October. A month that has a feeling unlike any other. This month has a crispness and a smell unlike any other. It has the mystery of Halloween and the changing of natural colors. So begins the season for sweaters and curling up with a loved one on the couch to watch movies and prepare for the so-called hybernation of winter.

October is a time to get out and enjoy the beginning of a new season, explore the trails, decorate the yard for Halloween, pick out a costume, have a party, watch scary movies. There is a certain excitement that is involved with October, it just feels different. Once November hits the season is in full swing and has a certain blahness to it.

The next magical month is December, which brings a season of giving, and after that the magic of cold, crisp, exciting nights and Holidays is gone. It is replaced by an overly long lasting winter and coldness that most people want to shove on and turn to spring.

Spring doesn't have the same magical feel as October or December because the crispness is gone, no smell of fire wafting from the chimney, no gift giving, but there is the beginning of the green refreshed summer which for me has an entirely different feel, not magic, just refreshing and exciting because there is less need for coats and you can enjoy the green, the color that makes people feel like going outside again.

My favorite season is Summer, but my favorite month is October. The only month that really excites me and makes me want to be more productive indoors and out.

I wish you all a wonderful October and a happy Halloween. Enjoy the month, it is unlike any other. You never know what the weather will be like, but one thing is for sure, the nights are longer and the air has a different smell and feel than any other month.

Ellen DeGeneres?

2009-09-11T11:34:00.005-05:00

So this morning as I am looking through the news popping up on my usual sites (msn, yahoo) I notice that Ellen DeGeneres is going to be taking Paula Abdul's spot on American Idol. Um... can we back the truck up for a minute here? Ellen DeGeneres? Hello? Does she have anything to do with the music industry?

Talk about an awkward group of people. I cannot even imagine how awkward the first show is going to be. For some reason I can see Simon, the epitome of manliness, clashing with Ellen (not sure why, lol, but I can just see it). It's wrong, just wrong. It has nothing to do with Ellen's choices, she is great on her own show and perhaps if we put her on the red carpet, but seriously Idol? Not a cohesive fit. I think this could hurt Idol. Once again, I will remind those who have apparently forgotten, Idol is a singing competition.

Perhaps they put Ellen on the show for some diversity after what happened this past year with Adam (whom I adore). Do they think this is going to raise their numbers? I think they are sadly mistaken. Sorry Ellen, my vote is against you, but only because you are not a part of the music industry. Perhaps you will prove me wrong and turn out to have some unknown trick up your sleeve or some amazing singing talent? I really do hope I am wrong, but it seems like such an odd decision. Good luck Ellen.

Food dislike

2009-09-01T22:46:00.003-05:00

Have you ever eaten something and it tasted awful but you couldn't stop eating it? That's how I feel about Archer Farm's Salsa Con Queso. One taste was awful with an undescribable tang. Garrett says it tastes highly of salsa but I almost feel like it's on the verge of going sour. Why can't I stop eating it? I think perhaps it's because it is normally one of my favorite now and again treats, but just not this brand. Hmm, maybe if I heat it up it will taste better? The sharpness is almost painful. lol

Twilight book and movie review.

2009-08-21T10:28:00.003-05:00

I recently was walking through Marshall's and I noticed that they had the Twilight books. I had no desire to read the books because I heard that they were poorly written; I had heard worse things about the third movie which the director apparently hates. I decided to buy the first book. I read the book in three days. I became addicted to the love story. The passion that I am uncertain could possibly exist in real life. The day I finished the first book I walked back to Marshall's and bought the second book. I read that book in three days as well. The day after I finished the second book I went out and bought the third; that book was finished after two days and I now need to go buy the fourth.

The story is best in the second book and I can see why some would say it's not well written. There is way more detail than is needed in each book. They tend to ramble a bit and go over things that are unimportant. I still kept on reading. Drawn into the feud's and passion that the main characters were projecting. Last night I watched the movie Twilight and I was greatly disappointed. I nearly shut it off. The best part of the movie is probably the baseball scene. The writer could have done so much more with this movie. It could have been a beautiful piece or artistry when finished, but when it came out of the oven it was a mushy half-baked cake that lacked heart. Edward's strengths and speed were so poorly done, so hokey that it was agonizing to watch. The book is about five hundred pages and the movie was severely chopped and crap that wasn't needed was added. Disappointment aplenty.

I recommend the books and not the movies at this point. If the second movie is as bad as the first, or worse, then it will not be worth your time or patience. Despite the awfulness I am still very drawn in by the passionate love story that surrounds Bella and Edward.

Out for a stroll

2009-08-03T12:03:00.002-05:00

So imagine you are sitting on the couch with your significant other, looking out the window, talking, and enjoying each other's company. As you watch people walking by you think to yourself, what a beautiful day outside.
In mid-conversation a new set of walkers come into view. You see an old woman and an old man walking down the street with a little bitty dog in tow and a stroller in front.
Now this is the point where one may react uncontrollably. As you look at the stroller you realize that it is not a child but a large orange cat, just sitting there enjoying the ride.
Garrett and I looked at each other and started laughing.. how is it that this cat is staying in this stroller? We have seen the oddity one time since and laughed just as hard the second time. I hope the people were not offended, our window was open at the time lol.

Sex and the City

2009-07-28T23:42:00.003-05:00

So as I sit night after night watching Sex and the City, I cannot help but wonder if life is really like that for anyone? Beautiful mid thirty-somethings going out and drinking martinis in New York, laughing and joking and dating man after man while always looking beautiful? They work their perfect jobs and gossip. They take trips together. Do people have groups of friends like that who meet up every week and do stuff together, breakfast, lunch and dinner, all through their lives?

"Elizabeth Taylor got gang banged in the dog park? That's so totally 80's" Their are many great lines though.

It's true that perhaps we have friends in our lives that we feel close to like the girls in Sex and the City, but do we have a foursome of friends who go out and do stuff constantly? I wish we did.

Perhaps some place, somewhere, there is a group of girls who live exactly like the girls from Sex and the City. Are they happy? Do they love their lives? Do they love all that time spent with their friends? No one could possibly know the true color of the matter from this side of the fence.

To my girls, I love you even if we aren't together every week.

Writing

2009-07-22T16:35:00.002-05:00

So at this point I continue to work on my book. I'm not sure however that I'm going about it properly. I wish I knew how other authors went about things and what there order is. I am reading books still on plot, structure, writing fiction, etc. It seems to be helpful but it still frustrates me because I want to write the best book possible. I need to get published; it is not even a question. How did J.K. Rowling do it? How did Nora Roberts? What about Tolkien? Has it gotten harder yet to get published, was it easier five years or ten years ago? I guess the only option is to keep on writing and try to get it published.

YAY ROCKFEST!!!

2009-07-12T14:42:00.003-05:00

It's been a while. I just got back from Florida, the trip was awesome. Garrett and I had a great time. After we got home I got to have a girls weekend with some of my sorority sisters, we went tubing and then we went to dinner at El Patio and then it was off to the bars to mingle and enjoy a few drinks. On Saturday Cassie, Alisa, Tara, and I went to the beach in Hudson and then we, minus Alisa grilled out at mine and Garrett's house. It was a lot of fun. A truly nice weekend.

Now we get to begin the process of preparing for Rockfest. I'm so excited, this is the weekend in the year that I always look forward to and cannot wait for. Rockfest, a long weekend of music, drinks, friends, family and fun. This year it will be Me, Garrett, Matt, and Brandon. Though Cassie is around she is unable to go. :'o( Sad. Next year perhaps. It would be wonderful if we could get a big group together and have 8 or more campsites.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and that they are taking advantage of the beautiful weather. I know we are. ;o)

Movie Review for "The Proposal"

2009-06-22T23:00:00.002-05:00

I saw the proposal this past week at the VIP theatre in the MOA. First off, I definitely think for two bucks more it is worth it to go with the VIP Theatre. You can drink, and you get a larger more comfortable chair and a little table to put your items on. People wait on you and you do not have to go in search of the junk you like to eat during movies. I do recommend showing up early however, you never know if it may sell out quickly.

The proposal is a movie starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. Ryan Reynolds is Sandra's secretary so to speak in the movie, and upon being told she is being deported she tells her superiors that she and Ryan are in love and that they are going to get married. Ryan is stunned and one thing leads to another in this crazy, quirky story.

I thought the movie was witty and full of laughs. I give it a rating of one Milky Way and most of Orion's Belt. It's a great film to go see with your significant other.

Pickin' Weeds in a Heat W@VE!

2009-06-22T22:55:00.002-05:00

Holy Cow it's hot. I like it warm but when it's this humid, no thanks. Today I spent an hour outside in the heat trying to kill weeds. The weeds in some ares are about as tall as me. At first I thought maybe they were some sort of plant that was supposed to be there, but with how fast they are growing, I don't think so. I sprayed every weed in the cement around the house, and in the driveway with weed killer. I pulled out weeds in the front yard (Now it looks kinda bare in front of my picture window, I hope those were all weeds lol). I also pulled up weeds in the back along the fence, though I still have a ways to go in that part of the yard. I think to some point it would just be easier to start over in some areas.

SL

2009-06-17T20:40:00.001-05:00

So, some of you may know, and others may not, there is a game on facebook called Sorority Life. I'm addicted to it. You basically get to play games and earn clothes and dress up your avatar, and grow your sorority house and get bigger and better jobs and on and on and on. I love it and I have no idea why. I think I just like to see how big I can get my house to be and what sort of great clothes I can get for my avatar. There is also a game somewhat like it called Celebrity Life, it is also fun, but not quite as indepth as Sorority Life. If any of you are bored on facebook and want to check out either of these games, send me a message and I'll send you a link. It's kinda fun.

Been a While

2009-06-15T10:24:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't been on here in a while. I've been sorting through a lot of things in my head, and enjoying the sudden beginning of summer in the past three days. This past weekend we had a remembrance party for the life of my Grandfather. The majority of the family was there. I also got to see several family friends whom I had not seen in a while. We played outdoor yard games, and everyone took a shot of tequila during the song "Tequila" in memory of my Grandfather, because that was his favorite song. I think he would have loved the party and been happy with the turnout.
Saturday night Garrett and I went to his mom's cabin and were able to just enjoy the lake and relax. It was a great escape from the everyday craziness.

I still need to tackle the rest of the weeds in the yard, but I'm happily surprised at some of the gorgeous flowers coming up yet... I have Lillie's, and Peonies currently, they are beautiful. My vine is still showing beautiful purple flowers and then I have another vine on the wood fence on the side of the yard that has pink and orange flowers growing all over it. Really our yard has become quite beautiful.

Last week I had a bit of a scare, we thought we may have a poisonous/deadly plant growing in our front yard, I'm pretty sure that the leaves are wrong though. That was a bit scary.

I recommend that everyone get out and enjoy the weather because summer will go fast. If anyone is interested in making a trip here to do a Valley Fair weekend, let me know, I think that would be fun!

There must be more to it.

2009-06-08T20:53:00.003-05:00

So I feel kinda stuck in a rut. It's the same thing all of the time. I think I need more in my life to keep me going. I need some girlfriends who want to go to the gym with me, or out for drinks, or just to have fun with on a regular basis. No one really lives near me.

It's been raining the past few days and being stuck inside makes me think even more about what I may like to be doing. I just want more excitement and adventure. Changing my hair color just isn't really doing it for me anymore.

I have a goal to get myself in shape, I've been trying different approaches to see if I can find the proper one. I think I would feel better if I looked better, but I don't think any of it will matter if I sit home and do nothing but search for jobs and mess around on the computer everyday. A virtual life just does not stack up to real life.

I want to travel, see the world, have fun with friends, actually enjoy everyday life. Are you happy? Is your life what you want it to be?

Ice Cream

2009-06-03T00:12:00.003-05:00

So I definitely feel that anything with chocolate is the correct way to start any cone, blizzard, or bowl off, when it comes to ice cream. My number one choice would probably be Kemps Under the Stars.

Though I am not a huge mint ice cream fan, Mint Cow Tracks can really grow on ya. It's mint ice cream with chocolate swirls, shavings, and cows filled with chocolate. I recommend this ice cream to my sister.

If I were to go with a pint, I love the brownie chocolate ganache ice cream that Dove makes. Of course, you can never go wrong with Ben and Jerry's. I, like Allison, like Fish Food, as well as Half Baked ice cream.

Overall, ice cream is probably one of my all time favorite desserts. I also like Gelato and frozen yogurt. Always remember to eat in moderation.

When I was younger I used to make ice cream floats in those old 32oz Hardeez cups... Katie says it's all float and no liquid; I packed that sucker full of ice cream lol. To think that while I was doing that I still kept a smaller figure... hmmm; maybe I gained weight because I eat less ice cream? Doubtful lol, but a nice thought.

Now that I'm a little bit older I enjoy my ice cream in moderation, too much ruins it for me. Here's to the ice cream lovers out there, have your ice cream and eat it too. ;o)

Interview

2009-06-01T23:20:00.002-05:00

I had an interview today with a company that I like. Unfortunately for me he only called me in for the interview because he liked my cover letter and felt it was well written; I guess he did not care for my resume. Slightly discouraging. It was a decent interview none the less. If all else fails I received more interviewing practice. He has fifteen more people to see; I did send out a thank you in the mail this evening if that counts for anything.

Time will tell. Sometimes I really don't know how well I do in interviews. I try pretty hard to be impressive and show interest and such but it is hard to be confident when you are nervous. I get nervous without fail and I still haven't figured out why. I think it's the anticipation of being asked a question I may not have thought of an answer to ahead of time. Hmm.

The rest of the day flew by. I'm tired but I don't want to sleep, yet I really don't have a desire to do anything else. It's a draw folks. Maybe I will just go to bed. Sweet Dreams.

Summer

2009-05-31T20:47:00.004-05:00

This week flew by very quickly. I applied for tons of jobs and got responses on a couple, so that was nice. I have an interview scheduled for tomorrow, we'll see how that goes. I got to spend time with Eric and Becky in Menomonie on Friday night; that was fun as well. It was nice to have a relaxing weekend. I enjoyed the weather and spent some time outdoors. Saw a beautiful view over the water as the sun was going down, took a walk on a trail. It was just nice to be outside, though it was a bit chilly last night and the wind off the water made it a bit more brisk.

I am pretty happy with the start to my summer. I look forward to many other wonderful nights and a lot of time spent outside enjoying the weather. I think this week if there is time I will spend some more time on the gardening and I am going to try to get out and exercise each day as well. There is only a month before our trip to Florida and I need to get my tush in shape lol. Not an easy task as many of you know.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and that they are enjoying the summer as much as I am!

Weekend

2009-05-26T12:24:00.002-05:00

This past weekend was amazing. I really needed a weekend away and I got just that. On Friday I went to Eau Claire and stayed at my mother-in-laws for her birthday. We had a great dinner and were able to relax and just enjoy the evening.

On Saturday Garrett and I drove up to the lake. Several of my family members were up there. On Saturday evening we had a fire and went out to a couple of the local bars and sang karaoke. My Dad was the best singer there, which is no surprise.

On Sunday Grandma came up and we took the pontoon out. Sunday afternoon/evening we ripped out the old back dock and we moved the new dock that the neighbors were giving us, into our yard. That night we sat around the campfire just enjoying the evening and relaxing. On Monday morning we took the old front dock out and as we were trying to wheel it over to the back to put it in the water, a wheel broke off. Luckily we had a friend nearby who was a welder. We somehow managed to get the new dock in the water without too much trouble. After the old front dock was mended we put it in the water and were finally done with our three dock movement, at least for the time being; we only really got it half-way in the water and it got stuck in the nasty muck. It was a lot of work but I enjoyed the weekend thoroughly.

Cookin'

2009-05-21T20:52:00.002-05:00

Every now and then a person stumbles upon something they love, or someone gives them an idea and they run with it and for whatever reason, it turns out perfect. Tonight I am making a simmer sauce from Trader Joe's. Clint told me to do this so I have bought several of the Trader Joe's Simmer Sauces and tried most of them.

What you do is you saute' onion and garlic in olive oil, then you toss in some chopped up tomato, green pepper and whatever else you like along with your choice of meat.

I choose to add black beans and chicken. I put it atop whole wheat spaghetti. For those of you out there who think I do not cook; these are the things I currently make.

Chicken Tortilla Casserole
Simmer Sauces

...and anything else out of a bag or box lol. Hey, it's a start.

Weekend

2009-05-21T10:36:00.003-05:00

It's Thursday and I have spent my week thinking about how I do not have a job; searching for a job; and how frustrated I am with people and some conflicting issues that are currently driving me nuts.

1.) I am currently designing something that I am not at all enjoying and have no desire to do.

2.) I feel useless not having a job.

The one good thing is that I have been looking forward to the weekend all week long. I am going to Eau Claire to my mother in laws Friday night and then for Saturday and Sunday I am going up to the cabin. I can't wait to see everyone and spend some time relaxing.

I have not yet resolved the dilemmas but a decision has to be made. I hate conflicts. I'm a push over. If it weren't for this design delemma I could have more time to search for jobs and more time to write as well as deal with a couple of other issues currently in my life that definitely need tending to.

Personal Trainers

2009-05-20T10:49:00.002-05:00

So this past Saturday, I joined a second gym; only because the price was great and this one is close to my house and the other membership ends in a month and a half. Upon joining I was offered a free session with one of the personal trainers. My personal trainer kicked my but. I knew I wanted to lose weight but I did not realize how out of shape my muscles in certain parts of my body are.

If you think you are in shape but you do not lift weights, or do things such as lunges; think again. I was lifting weights and doing 30min to 1.5hrs of cardio 3-4 times per week; I am still quite out of shape. I need to tone and strengthen my muscles.

I was offered a great deal on a package of 12 training sessions, and as much as I want to take it; I know it's too much money to spend when I have not yet found a job. Not to mention, if I don't get myself into the habit of doing weights and lunges on my own; who says I will do it after the training is done? I need to get this started by myself or I will never stick to it.

Anyway, if I stick to this schedule and do my cardio and my "feel like I may fall over dead" work out, I could lose a significant amount of weight in the next three months. It's worth a shot.

Graduation

2009-05-16T19:01:00.004-05:00

I made it through a second round of college and I now have my AAS in Graphic Design Technology. I spent the afternoon yesterday with my mom and sister and then went out for dinner with friends and family. The evening was great and I am glad that I spent time with friends and family to celebrate.

If anyone is looking for a fun and tasty place to eat in Hudson, WI; Agave Kitchen is awesome! The kitchen used to be Idaho Chucks. They still have their great pork nachos and they also have some other wonderful dishes. They have also added some fun new dishes to their menu. Tex Mex at its best.

After dinner we went to the Shout House in Minneapolis. The Shout House is a high energy venue with great music that the patrons can make requests for and sing along with. If you are easily offended then you may not want to visit the Shout, but if you have a good sense of humor and can take things lightly without looking too far into them, then the Shout is definitely for you.

Oh Sweet Irony on American Idol

2009-05-13T23:31:00.002-05:00

Picture this:

You are standing on in the middle of a stage. The lights are dimmed and your mind is going crazy just wondering where your fate lies. You bite your lip and put in your final prayers that you will not be sent home. Ryan looks at your amigo and says: "Kris, you are safe, you will be competing in the finals."

Your heart just sank a little because the only other person on that stage beside you and Ryan, is Adam. Adam... the man whom the judges have been saying for weeks is the clear winner. You bite back your emotion as you wait in agony to see if you will be moved on.

I'm sorry Danny, your ride ends here. You are going home.

Everyone believed that the final battle would be between Danny and Adam. I wonder how Kris felt when he looked out at the judges and saw Cara saying: "Oh My God."
She never expected Kris to make it. She was not the only person obviously who showed their disdain.

If you look at the overall performances and what is lacking for both Danny and Kris; you will find that Kris has a voice that to many people, will be easier to listen to. Not everyone can take that scratchy voice of Danny's. I am one of those people. Danny was very positive and a bit silly, Kris was very straight forward and down to Earth. Kris however will most likely be able to relax more and put on a better performance when he is not under Simon's every scrutiny. In the long run I think that Kris will go further and be more marketable than Danny because I get the idea that Danny is very set in his Christian Rock ways.

I'm sorry Danny; all is not lost for you, someone will definitely scoop you up and give you the deal of a lifetime.

Congrats Kris; though beating Adam will not be easy to do, you have put up an admirable fight. No one in this competition is a loser. Everyone should be able to see that compared to past seasons, this group had the most talent.

Plastic Melt Down

2009-05-13T20:04:00.005-05:00

She looked into the mirror with tears running down her face.
She knew nothing of who she was or who she would become.
She had spent every moment trying to change for the future.
Staring back with blank expressionless eyes was a shell she did not know.
At what price did beauty come?
She paid in blood , friendships, and love.
Then she paid in pain.
Spent so many days in surgery and all of it in vain.

Her nose matched not her father, her eyes matched not her mum.
She no longer had the same physique as her identical twin, nor the same smile as her son.
Her chest was held up tightly and seemed to be an out of control airbag.
Her smile was so unsightly, accept to eat, she couldn't move her mouth.
She believed for so long she was imperfect, so she added here and there.
Maybe if she'd known she'd have a disfigured face, she wouldn't have been so quick to care.

No doctor can fix her now.
A monster she has become.
Disproportionate chest, crooked nosed, bloated lips, and back pain are what she has to bare.
Look inside and see the beauty, and no one else should care.

The moral of this tale,
stop fussing with yourself.
Your body is your temple, your happiness and your wealth.

-Tricia Markin

School and Stuff

2009-05-12T10:43:00.002-05:00

So I just came from my last Web I class and I have found out that today is the last day of class. I thought Thursday would be, but this is a pleasant surprise. I am pretty excited about this because I can now finish up the logo designs I am working on for a family friend and I can put more work into my book.

Still searching for a job; they are hard to come by at this time. Not giving up hope, still looking hard. I hope that I will be able to find something within my creative zone but I will not pass up a job in customer service or retail if it means having a steady paycheck.

Done watching the puppy and the funny thing is, I kinda miss the little munchkin. Despite how wild she is, it was nice to feel loved and wanted. A puppy has no trouble giving love and attention away and you will always be wanted upon returning home from a day out. I still do not want a dog that small, but perhaps someday a dog; someday when I am a bit more comfortable staying home.

Friday is graduation and I look forward to a nice relaxing day. First on the agenda is spending time with my Mom and Sister. Later on the agenda, possibly getting together with friends, dinner, and the Shout House. No plans are finalized yet, but that is a possibility. I just want to be around people and enjoy a relaxing evening doing whatever.

Still haven't figured out the yard situation. It has been mowed but I still have a lot of weeds to take care of. Bah.. weeds are not fun. Trees are even worse when they are growing where they should not be. I don't know how much longer I can let this situation go for. I need some help. Anyone feel like helping me with my yard on Saturday? LOL, it promises to be fun. Perhaps we could get some beers or margaritas and make it fun? Hmm, that's a thought. Who wants to have a weeding party?! It's not a wedding, but close enough. ;o)

Puppies and Babies

2009-05-09T12:15:00.002-05:00

I am currently puppy sitting for a friend and the dog is so incredibly cute. I have now decided that in some respects a puppy is more of a handful than a baby. Babies, do not, most of the time, pee on the floor when they are excited. They do not generally bite you in the face, the ear, hang from your pants leg, steal your socks, chew on your shoes, fly at you from across a room, try to trip you when you are walking or bark loudly at you because they think everything is a game.

Babies on the other hand cry, cannot ever be left alone, cost more money, and can make you get up several times in a night and in the morning. Puppies can at least be left alone for smaller periods of time. Although if you have a baby you can pretty much take them anywhere, and a puppy you cannot.

In the end they both require much more responsibility and thought before travel, or just plain having one or the other, or both. I am pretty sure that at this point I could not handle both. Both are cute and I like each in their own way. I am glad I am puppy sitting because it is definitely a learning experience. I just cannot imagine having cats, a baby, and a puppy so I won't be doing that anytime soon, I think maybe I'll have the baby before the puppy or just plain get a dog from the shelter who is around a year old and already trained. I am still not sure that I am ready to give up any form of freedom full time for either a baby or a puppy.

American Idol Upset

2009-05-06T22:54:00.003-05:00

So tonight was slightly irritating. There are two shows I watch normally on Wednesday night, which are Lie To Me, and American Idol. I watched American Idol and proceeded to be angry about the choice. I just do not understand how Danny has made it as far as he has. His range sucks, I think he's fake, and I want him gone. He did so horribly yesterday on his song, it was like listening to nails on a chalkboard. Even his family turned the tv off when they heard those notes... Um.. hello?! His own family couldn't listen?! That tells you something right there. Wrong choice America! Get your heads out of your butts. I will back my girl Allison any day of the week over Danny. Allison, I'll be waiting for your record, I know you will make it big; you will not go back to the same life you had before.

Nope, Not Poison Oak

2009-05-06T10:45:00.002-05:00

For some reason I was thinking Poison Oak had pointy long leaves, but I believe I was wrong, not Poison Oak.

Flowers In My Yard

2009-05-06T10:29:00.003-05:00

Along with the flowers in my yard I noticed something along my fence that looks like Poison Oak... I really hope it isn't but It has five pointy leaves and there is one small patch of it. I also have Wood Violets, and some sort of other purplish pink bush, and Lilacs. No one has taken care of this yard in years; there are also several small trees growing in places they should not be.

If anyone is bored and wants to help me do some yard work lol; the gates open. ;o)

Woot!

2009-05-06T10:16:00.002-05:00

So today I am feeling a bit on the drained side but I am pumped that I do not have to be anywhere today. I am happy that I no longer have to attend class on M-W-F but it is time to get moving on finishing my scale and perspective book.

If I can get that done and turned in on Friday, I can focus on writing my book all weekend long, and puppy sitting of course. I get to puppy sit for Katie; their puppy is so cute.

I am looking forward to once again being done with school. Every time I think I want to go back, I realize that I just want to be done and finished with the goal.

Portfolio Show

2009-05-05T15:13:00.002-05:00

So today was the portfolio show which I have been preparing for, for the past year and a half.
Cristina Yager won the award for best Graphic Design Portfolio and it was very much deserved in my opinion.

I had one known possible employer look at my stuff and he was looking at my resume so I asked him if he would like to take one and he said "not just yet" and left. Ouch, shot down.

No one took any of my business packets but several people took my business card. It was a long day and I am glad it is over. Graduation next week never looked so good.

Not Guinea Pigs

2009-05-05T15:08:00.002-05:00

If those are guinea pigs, then they are mammoth pigs because they are at least the size of a dog.

I have to ask...

2009-05-03T23:25:00.003-05:00

I know I shot that photo on the left of the fuzzy critters laying on the ground... can someone tell me what they are called because I cannot for the life of me remember. Are they groundhogs?

Portfolio

2009-05-03T23:17:00.002-05:00

The year is coming to a close and an abrupt one at that. I am nearly finished with my portfolio, just waiting for a couple of reprints to come back and then putting the finishing touches on my plan for portfolio day such as what I will wear, making sure all materials are gathered, and getting enough sleep, etc.

My portfolio show is on Tuesday from 8am until 11am in the DCTC Commons. Anyone can go. I do not think anyone will actually be coming there to see me but I am quite happy with my achievements and looking forward to the day.

After portfolio show I still have a few more things to accomplish. I have to finish my Scale and Perspective book and I also have a flash assignment and a newsletter due. I will not have classes on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday after tomorrow; I am pretty excited about that.

Only two weeks left and then I can celebrate victoriously my accomplishments over the past year and a half. To anyone who is still finishing up and in the same boat as me, good luck and remember to take things in stride. Do not give up. Reward yourself when you are done.

Goals

2009-04-28T19:06:00.002-05:00

I know everyone has been told this but I will repeat it and encourage anyone who reads this to truly think about what I am saying.

It is important to make goals for the different stages in your life. I do not believe it is important to know every single goal for every stage at this moment but to at least have a sense of what you may want to accomplish in the next one to five years.

I am going to come up with five goals to reach before I turn 30 which is only a few years out.

1.) I would like to publish two pieces of written work.

2.) I would like to have one child. (this could definitely change and that is okay).

3.) I would like to travel to three places that I have never been to before.

4.) I would like to have a successful career as a Graphic Designer, or be a full time Writer.

5.) I would like to be fit and eating better.

Now, it is not imperative that you meet every goal you make, they are goals for a reason. Just try your hardest and re-evaluate every now and then. If you decide that perhaps a goal has changed, that is fine. Goals make life more interesting and give us something to look forward to. Make sure that you celebrate when you reach a goal and not to be too hard on yourself if you miss your goal. Best wishes and good luck.

Swine Flu

2009-04-27T23:49:00.003-05:00

This seems to be a slightly scary time for the entire world. The outbreak of Swine Flu and the possibility of a pandemic has many people feeling uneasy. I myself am nervous about the idea. I encourage everyone to make sure that they are taking proper precautions by practicing good hygiene and using tissues if you do fall ill. Make sure that if you are under the weather you keep a close eye on your symptoms and do not let things get too carried away before seeking help. Signs are not always the same for everyone but often look just like the flu. Coughing, runny nose, sore throat, fever, aches, lethargy, etc. To find out more visit Web MD, or go to any of the main news sites online, they are all talking about it.

People have been known to die from this flu within 48 hours of their symptoms showing. This is a worse case scenario of course. The death toll so far has stayed within the boundaries of Mexico and I am saddened for their countries losses. I pray as should anyone else who believes in prayer, that this does not reach a higher level on the WHO's scale. Unfortunately it is hard to know if a person will contract this virus or not, and those who do have it are often contagious for an entire day before any signs even show up.

Remember to stay calm and alert. This is not a time for panic, it is a time for using our brains and reacting apropriately. If you are able to, stay out of areas that are infected such as: California, Ohio, Kansas, Texas, New York, Canada, Mexico, New Zealand, and a few other countries across the ocean. Luckily there is a medication to treat this flu. Just be cautious and keep an eye on the news. Best wishes to everyone!

Jobs

2009-04-24T11:21:00.002-05:00

The job market, as many of you know, is very poor right now. It is so frustrating spending hours and hours of time looking for jobs and not succeeding. Even when I have an interview the interviewers are being so picky that one of them told me she was going to interview every single person that sent in a resume... that's a bit much. I was the third person who interviewed; do you think she even remembers me? Probably not.

I am going to keep working at this whole job issue until it is resolved. I am not one to give up. I know I will find something, it is just a question of when and what.

Planets!

2009-04-21T19:45:00.003-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090421/ap_on_sc/eu_britain_new_planet

The above is an article about a recent planet discovery. I think that it is so exciting to know that there are other possible places for our civilization to inhabit. Someday down the road we could be traveling through space to a new home. It's also kind of scary because how does anyone know what happens on those planets. What if every four years or ten years the planet randomly floods and clears itself of parasites.. YOU DON'T KNOW! There could be worse things than Hurricane Katrina or Earth shattering Earth Quakes.. {would it be a Gliese 581 E Quake? Furthermore, do we really need to live on a planet called Gliese 581 E? Come on people, that is not a name you want to say when you are writing a report in school.) It's exciting but scary because of all the possibilities that exist within the unknown. I think maybe I would be willing to try it out though. Maybe.

Monday.. booo!

2009-04-20T22:10:00.002-05:00

This has been a busy Monday. Perhaps this is an insane amount of time but I spent nine hours today making a website. I had to start over on my site because something was wrong. I feel like I am teaching myself this class. I don't feel like I am getting anything out of it. The professor is nice but he doesn't seem to know how to best utilize his time and get everyone the help they need.

I'm completely drained and need to sleep. Two more weeks of craziness, two more weeks and then portfolio show will be over and I can worry about less stuff.

Gardening frustrations

2009-04-18T21:10:00.003-05:00

To anyone who has not seen my home; I have plants growing all over my entire yard. I however, have no idea what any of them are or how to take care of them or even what tools I need to deal with and manage them.

Today I took a garden hoe to the plant bed on the side of my house and promptly uprooted some form of flowering plant on accident. Luckily I have a compost (which I don't even know how to use. What can and cannot go in a compost?) so I took a heap of dirt from there and put the plant back in the ground. I hope it does not die. I also chopped up the creeping vine today and honestly am unsure as to whether or not I have destroyed it or if I should have cut it down even further. I got a thorn from I have no idea what, stuck in my thumb and i also scraped my foot on something as well and it is now burning slightly. Not bad for a beginner. I didn't get very far but I will continue to try my luck at this new found hobby.

I want to succeed at taking care of this yard but how do you know where to start or what to do to what plants when you have no idea what is actually growing? Hmm, some research may be required. If anyone has any suggestions, I am open to them.

Sandwhich of the day.

2009-04-17T12:40:00.003-05:00

Buffalo Veggie Bagel

1 - whole wheat bagel halved
1 - wedge of sour cream and chives laughing cow cheese
1 T - whipped cream cheese
1/2 c - veggies of your choice (more or less)
1 - sprinkle of Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning blend
1 - sprinkling of Frank's red hot sauce.

Toast bagel halves and spread laughing cow cheese wedge on one half. Next spread the tablespoon of whipped cream cheese on the second bagel half. Add all of the other ingredients and enjoy.

Uneasy

2009-04-15T18:13:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling very uneasy this evening. I just want to get through my homework and relax but there is a never ending pile of it. I keep taking short breaks but even with the breaks it is hard to focus. I find myself screaming in my mind "JUST GET IT DONE!" I am behind in my independent study class and I have an entire website to build tonight yet. Too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. Not enough time at least for the obsessive perfectionist that is screaming do it perfectly, inside my brain.

Losing Steam

2009-04-14T15:20:00.004-05:00

It's that time of year where everyone who is in school starts feeling that crunch. I have one month left and I am losing my steam as well as my desire to be at school. I have sevearl projects to finish as well as other side projects and I find myself wondering how I will find the time to actually complete them all by deadline.

The weather is now turning quite beautiful and that makes me even less interested in sitting inside at a computer or a lecture. I know that time will go fast but that actually makes me feel more uneasy.

I cannot worry too much however, I have always finished what I have started in the past and school has ended well many years prior to this one.

Twitter and Celebs... Again

2009-04-13T11:11:00.005-05:00

Okay. I have quit Twitter. As they say in Bambi: Many people appear to be "twitterpated." I myself see it as a waste of time. You can do the same thing with a text message. How many people could you really have that you need to tell what you are doing?

AIM or any other messenger service can do the same thing and you can actually talk back and forth if need be. There are so many other ways to communicate. Why do we need a service that is just for saying: "I'm eating breakfast?" "I'm washing the car." "I had a great weekend." Do we have so much free time and lack of creativity that this is how we want to spend it? I refuse to be addicted to such a thing.

Once again, I like Ashton Kutcher but doesn't he have better things to be a role model for? He has it made and what does he do, he leaves messages on Twitter about what he is doing?

Ryan Seacrest loves Twitter too. I guess in some respects maybe Twitter helps keep people from mobbing celebs in person. Maybe people will instead sit and stare at what they are doing on Twitter.

I will not be one of those people. Sorry Ryan and Ashton. I am not going to ever be one of those people who goes out of my way to obsessively follow you. I like hearing what you have to say once in a while but I won't devote my life to you.

In some respects I wish it wasn't so crazy in this world. There are things I would like to ask certain celebs but they will not speak to just anyone. They are not like other people on the Internet. Others on the Internet will randomly speak to one another simply because they can. You can start a friendship online but most likely not with a celeb. They seem to believe they are better or that they need to hide from the public.

That's actually true though. Celebs do need to hide from the public. You cannot be free and in the open, in person, because of stupid idolizing people. Do not idolize celebs. They are just normal people who have good days, bad days, and everything in between. They just got lucky one day and achieved their dream job. People who idolize celebs ruin it for the people who are normal, and the celebs. Who wants to go out to dinner and be followed by photographers and mobs of people? Who knows, perhaps I am the best friend that a celeb will never find.

Oh, and Celebs, (you know who you are), I don't care who you are with; I don't want to know what you yell out while having sex.

To all my friends who are not on Twitter: I am with you once again.

Easter

2009-04-12T23:08:00.004-05:00

This past weekend was great. I went to Eau Claire and helped celebrate my little sister's birthday. We went to the movie Monsters vs. Aliens, ate at Shanghai Bistro and then spent the rest of the night dancing at Sammy's to the band 40 Fingers. If you haven't seen 40 Fingers, I recommend you go check them out. They play almost every weekend and most often can be found at one of the three following places: Sammy's Pizza (bar), the old Woo's Pagoda, or the VFW on Starr. They play a lot of great dance tunes and seem to do well at packing the house.

Anyway, Saturday was geat as well. I went to breakfast with Julie and got to spend some time with my uncle when I ran into him at breakfast. I also got to spend time with my parents and my in-laws which went pretty well. I really had a nice time. Saturday night we stayed at Garrett's Dad's house and had a nice meal, caught up, and watched some movies. I really could not have asked for a better weekend.

Now that the weekend is over I am ready to crash. Wore myself out. Hope everyone else had a great Easter and for those of you who do not celebrate Easter, I hope you had a great weekend!

Ashton Kutcher: Twittering Away

2009-04-09T22:09:00.005-05:00

Okay. I know I have said this before but I really cannot figure this out. Why is Twitter so amazing? Why is it such a phenomena? Ashton Kutcher is on there 24/7 and I love him in a "wow you have some fun movies" sort of way. Not in a "I will follow you around way;" more or less I would like it if someone on Twitter such as Ashton or Soleil Moon Frye (two people who rave constantly about the wonders of Twitter) would explain to me why they like Twitter so much.

Hey Ashton! Say hi to me; I'm bored out of my mind sitting alone in Twitter land because no one I know is on Twitter.

There may be a rule against celebs speaking to people of my stature. Sad.

If anyone wants to join Ashton, Soleil and I on the Twitter Band Wagon, feel free. I will be the person sitting alone in Tweetville waiting for someone to actually respond to one of my posts.

American Idol: Who will win?

2009-04-08T23:21:00.007-05:00

Of all the American Idol contestants I feel that Adam Lambert is the most talented and has the best range. He knows how to pick the right song and he goes for the gold every single time. There is no partial success with him; he always moves at full force. I predict that he will continue to move at this rate until the final two are left standing on the American Idol stage.

Next week proves to be very interesting. The number of contestants is becoming fewer and those who are yet standing have had some great performances.

I maintain that Danny, no matter how cute he may be ladies, is not as good a singer as Allison or Adam. He always sounds the same and even his last performance was mediocre for me. I think they should put me on American Idol as a judge next year. I can see the headlines now: "New Judge Has Everyone a Twitter," "New Judge Throws Idol Viewers For a Loop," "New Judge Is Just As Harsh As Simon: What will she say next?"

My prediction now has changed slightly. The final showdown will be between Allison and Adam, or at least it should be. They are the best voices on the show. Sorry Danny, I am just not into your performance. I would rather watch two mimes fighting over a melting ice cream cone.

Do not despair loyal Danny supporters; rest assured that your guy will create his monotonous music for your continuous joy and rapture despite losing on American Idol.

Despite my view points listed above, this is to all of the American Idol contestants: You are wonderful and all so very gifted. Never give up your dream.

Tweeting on Twitter

2009-04-06T11:22:00.004-05:00

I recently joined Twitter and I have to be totally honest, I do not really understand the point of such a simple application. I am going to continue to give it a chance for a while to see where this goes but honestly, it is slightly frustrating. I have random people following me that I have never met in my life and I know nothing about. Why are they following me?

If I had designed a program to keep track of my friends and what is going on with them I would have added a few more questions such as: Are you available to hang out tonight? Are you taking phone calls right now? Am I allowed to drop by and visit you today?

Make it a little bit more informational so that people actually have something to go by on your availability. I would rather know if someone is available to hang out than know what they ate for dinner or what they are doing out of boredom.

The Dream

2009-04-05T11:44:00.004-05:00

I have a dream to become an author. I have always wanted to publish a book and now I am really working on getting to that goal. I feel some frustration on this because I know that some of the people who know me do not back this decision and they feel like I shouldn't even bother with it. I am not listening to them. I am going to continue to work on my writing and get to this goal.

If you have a goal in life or several things that you desire to accomplish do not let anyone tell you that you cannot get to that goal or that it is ridiculous or you should not bother. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not good enough or try to mold you into what they believe you are or should be. You alone can decide who you are as well as who you surround yourself with. If you are alone in life, only you can choose not to be. Don't sit and feel sorry for yourself because that won't get you anywhere. I know we all do that sometimes but it never helps.

Pick up a pen, a paint brush, a camera, work on your acting skills, your singing skills, your dancing skills. Even if your dream is far out there; if you believe in yourself and know you can accomplish it, then perhaps it really is worth a shot. Only you can make that decision. Good luck and know that I will listen to you and believe in you. You must listen to and believe in yourself.

Changes

2009-04-03T19:27:00.003-05:00

To anyone who is following me, bare with me. I try to write on here everyday but I have been a little busy this week; I am also contemplating making some changes. Better blog coming soon!

Get out and enjoy the beautiful weather, what are you doing inside reading this right now? ;0)

Rockfest, Class, Blah...

2009-03-31T16:18:00.005-05:00

I feel kinda tired and blah today. I want this day to end. Tuesdays are soo long because they start at 9 am and go until who knows what time. My classes end at 10pm but we will see what happens. Most often I leave a bit early and then there is time to chill for a bit and watch tv before bed.

I now recall that I have no class tomorrow. That is a wonderful thought. I do however have an interview so I must finish preparing for that, but it is not until 5pm.

To anyoen out there who is interested in Rockfest, let me know, I will be buying tickets soon and friends are always welcome.

American Idol: The Top Nine

2009-03-27T09:41:00.010-05:00

As some of you may know, I am an American Idol fan. I have grown up with music in my life and I enjoy a good competition. Some days I am unsure as to what this competition is really about. I think that some of the contestants that get passed from level to level on Idol are truly only being passed because of their looks or perhaps because people find them to be genuinely nice and do not want to see them fall.

This year's competition is definitely one of the toughest but that does not mean that there is not a line between the good and the great. Let's face it, they are all good, but they are not all great. They do not all have a great vocal range.

Watching from week to week there is one person that stands out for me, that I cannot believe has made it this far. That person is Megan. Let's take a look at Appearance and voice.

Granted, Megan has some style, she has picked some nice looks for herself, minus the arm sleeve tattoo and white baby doll dress; that was a train wreck. Black would have been more suiting. You just cannot look cute and innocent when you have an arm sleeve tattoo; sorry Megan. Just to make things clear, I am not saying that Megan is not a sweet innocent person, I am saying that the cute baby doll look does not work because the tattoo clashes with it. Anyway, moving on; this week's attire was nice. The dress was beautiful, the makeup was well done, her hair was gorgeous; she looked amazing. This is not however, a reason to vote. If the voice isn't there, the appearance does not matter. The appearance is just the icing on the cake.Megan is gorgeous, she has a beautiful child, and we all can appreciate her as a mom. What she does not have is the voice of an American Idol Winner. Her range isn't that great. She does not have a smooth voice (I do realize not everyone has a perfect smooth voice, but it makes a person more likeable). She cannot pick a song to save her soul. Come on Megan, Rockin' Robin? What are we, seven? That song is for a children's sing along... it actually is on the kids sing along cd for cryin' out loud. This week's song was not much better. It hurt my ears to listen. I cannot believe people still voted for her and that they voted for her over Matt Giraud. What reason could you possibly have to vote for someone who is not the best? If you voted for Megan, you are either family, or voting for the wrong reasons; possibly you are tone deaf. If you are tone deaf, I am sorry to hear that. Megan is a great person I am sure, but honestly, not the best singer in this competition. Listen to Simon.

Lets move on to the past for a minute. The person that I am floored has left American Idol so soon is Alexis Grace. She most definitely is a better singer than a few of the others who are left in the contest. She has such strong pipes that I thought she would make it to at least the top five. America, I think you made a small mistake on that one.

The following are the contestants that are in the bottom three for me: Megan, Scott, and Kris.

Kris has shown the most improvement and is wonderful to listen to. He feels like a truly genuine person; he does not seem to be full of himself but he could definitely exert a little more presence.

Scott is wonderful, but every song he does feels the same to me. Nothing has really stood out and I think it will catch up with him unless he makes a drastic change this next week.

Megan as stated above is just not the best, she is the bottom of the barrel for me. Wonderful person but just isn't as good as the others when it comes to voice.

The following are my top three contestants: Adam, Lil, Anoop, and Matt. As you may have noticed, I named four people. Right now Matt and Anoop are at a tie for the third spot.

Adam has a beautiful range, he showed us he can be different and that he is out there to give it his all. Though some of us may have found his Indy Rock "Ring of Fire" a bit shocking, I think it showed that he is not afraid to take a chance. This week's performance was no less mind blowing and showed us all even further what he is capable of. It would appear that this guy can do anything he puts his mind to; that is what we need in the industry. He is most definitely the face of fresh.

Lil Rounds. I think Lil is wonderful. She is on top as far as the girls are concerned. She does need to start making some better choices in songs though. She showed us she can sing. Now show us what else there is; how amazing can you be?

The other two contestants are in the middle right now. There are reasons why I put them there.

Allison, though she is an amazing vocalist, needs to start showing more variety. A lot of her music is the same; same range, same tone. We know she can belt it out. I want to hear something different. She would be in the top three for me if she would show some different qualities and possibilities in her voice. Show us something tender and touching.

Danny. Now you may have noticed by now that he was not my number one. Here is why. I think he is a great singer but his voice always sounds the same. He is over confident and it makes him look cocky. I was slightly appalled by the fact that he did not heed Smokey's advice; though he maybe had a good reason as to why he did not. His performance this week was mediocre and the same as every other week. It feels as if "fame" has already gone to his head; he thinks he has this competition in the bag and I think he should think again. If he does not do something about the aura he is giving off; he will not win.

With all of the above said, this is who I currently think should win: Adam. This is who I think may win but for all of the wrong reasons: Danny.

Good luck Idol contestants. It will be a long and close race but hopefully the best vocalist wins.

March Madness

2009-03-20T16:54:00.005-05:00

It is the month which strikes fear into my heart. Do you recall my Friday the 13th entry? Well this is sort of like my Friday the 13th, but in a slightly different way. I do not like March because bad things have happened in March.

My house burnt down at 5:20am on Thursday March 24th and I lost my cat and the majority of my belongings. This is the largest problem I have with March. Other bad things have happened as well but none really as disturbing as the fire.

March is one of the bleakest months out of the year. Everything is dead, so I think of death much more frequently. The weather is crummy, cold and wet most of the time it seems. It is dark, the light has not graced us with enough of its time.

Now I know, just as you know, that March really is not a daemon month. It's just that when something bad scars the past, it is hard to forget the time of the year, I am now a bit hyper sensitive to March.

Today is a cold dreary, dark, damp March day. The 24th is approaching and with it a bit of anxiety. I still dislike myself for the fact that I did not take King with me when I left the house that night.

It is supposed to be a happy evening. Some of my sisters are coming to visit, I am excited about this, it should be fun, but I am in a funk and need to find a way out of it.

Here is to a better March. May the sun shine brightly over the next couple of weeks and usher in April with warmth and happiness.

One of those days.

2009-03-17T22:04:00.004-05:00

The day was crazy, packed with work to do. I am completely drained at this point and it is ten pm and I haven't even eaten dinner. Happy St. Patrick's Day! I will not be drinking anything or going out. Bit of a waste for me but hopefully my parents are having a blast. I dropped them off at the airport this morning; they will be spending St. Patrick's Day in Ixtapa. Now that sounds like a proper way to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.

I will celebrate on the weekend, when there are people around to celebrate with.

It's just been one of those days. You don't know what to do with yourself at the end of it. Halfway between bored and sleeping but not really wanting to give in to the sleepiness.

Maybe I will spend the rest of my St. Patrick's Day evening reading a book. Why not?

Monday

2009-03-16T16:33:00.004-05:00

It's Monday again and it is a beautiful day outside once more. Of course on the day that it is beautiful I have the most indoor work to get done and I cannot even enjoy it.

I just want to go out walking, maybe check out the neighborhood, walk to the library; enjoy the sun for a change.

Perhaps tomorrow will be a repeat, although tomorrow I have class from 9am until 10pm, and to top things off it is St. Patrick's Day. Though I don't think I have ever had the liberty of celebrating a St. Patrick's Day as of yet. The one St. Patrick's Day party I was invited to, I ended up sick for. Oh well, that's life.

That's enough chit chat for me, I need to get back to work. Enjoy the beautiful weather!

Watchmen

2009-03-15T20:57:00.004-05:00

This afternoon I saw the movie Watchmen and I truly wish I would have read the comic first. They say that the movie follows closely to the story in the book. Had I known this I may not have put the movie on such a high pedistool. I will not give any actual parts away for those of you who have not read the comic or seen the movie.

To me the movie felt as though it were completely composed of back story. The story was descent but I think I expected more action and adventure. The character's are likeable but I think I was under the impression that there were more character's together in the movie than there actually were.

In the end I feel like something is missing from the story; though I am unsure as to what exactly that something is. I give this movie one thumb up, one thumb sideways, and a smile.

Friday the 13th.. whatever.

2009-03-13T12:49:00.004-05:00

Today is Friday the 13th, and it is also one of the most superstitious days on the calendar. Why? Seriously people, think about this. Friday the 13th is only superstitious because you feed into this number and give power to it. If you believe that bad things will happen, you will miss-step and allow bad things to happen.

Also, consider this if you haven't. The thirteenth floor on a building is labeled 14... so if I say my cat is not black does that make him not black??? Come on now, what floor are you really on?

Bring it on Friday the 13th, I'm not going to pay homage to you like you are some Daemon day that needs to be feared. You have no power over me.

Many good people were born on Friday the 13th. I don't really see anything that makes them bad; if truly this day is bad, then wouldn't that make those people bad? Logically this whole thing is a bit rediculous. Stop giving power to (literal)numbers. You are only messing with your brain and other people's brains by doing so. Do you realize that back in the day when they came up with ROY G BIV because they did not want the color spectrum to have only six colors, because six is associated with the devil? Indigo is a bit controversial.

Now if you are one of those people who truly fears this day, I do not think less of you, I am just trying to show you the logic in this, though I know some people are unable to control the overwhelming feeling of something they have allowed themselves to fear their entire lives. Try not to be afraid of this number, it really is all in your head, if something bad happened on this day or any day; it is most likely coincidence unless you make it into something more. Best wishes to you all on this day.

Happy Birthday Dad! I Love You and I appreciate the day you were born on!

Job Search Lottery

2009-03-13T11:22:00.004-05:00

Everyday I go online and search for jobs. I start with Craigslist and then move on to the other sites. I apply for the jobs that I think I am capable of succeeding at.

There are no jobs in my area of expertise. When a job does come along it is applied for by 8 million people so the chances appear to be rather similar to winning the Lotto. Now maybe I should just buy lotto tickets, perhaps one of these possibilities will pay off before the other. Maybe it should be some form of a race. Everyday I buy a lotto ticket, and everyday I apply for a job. One of them is bound to succeed and either way I will be the winner. Of course in order to buy a lotto ticket everyday I will have to give up something, but really it could be something as small as a cappuccino or latte once a week; do I even buy a cappuccino or latte once a week?

My point being that the job market hurts and I have never been unemployed before so this is really a dilemma for me. I hate being without a job because having a job provides a form of security and happiness in some respects. I know what I can afford when I have a job. When you do not have a job it is very hard to change your habits but it must be done.

Best of luck to everyone who is jobless out there. May your search be successful and may the best man or woman for the job win!

1-800 Debt Relief need not call.

2009-03-12T18:00:00.004-05:00

I am about to make up for about four and a half months of phone irritation, simply by writing this.

Have you got credit card debt? Are you trying to find some relief? Hi I'm Chris at Credit Card Debt Relief; this is the last time I will try to contact you. You must call me back today at 1-800-blah blah blah.

So I call this guy back because I've received 8,000 of these phone messages in the past 4.5 months since I got a land line. Mind you these are the only calls I've gotten since we got our land line and it is soooooo irritating.

Anyway, I called him back and said: You just called my house... and Chris, what doe he do? HE HANGS UP ON ME! Can you say WTF?!

So anyway, I am ready to throw the phone and the answering machine through the window because almost everday I come home to about 3 messages beeping away and annoying my cats, from the a-holes who think I'm someone that I am not.

Now, if I had credit card debt, this may be a good thing that someone wants to help... maybe, but seriously people... stop calling me if you cannot call me by my first name when doing so. Not to mention we are supposed to have a block on calls like this, but obviously that's not doing us any good.

I almost like the Star Tribune more right now. They call me about once a week and every time they call we go around in the same circle.

"Where do you get your news?" "Would you like the paper?" "I can have it only delivered on Sunday for the low price of I don't give a crap" (everyone calling from that place sounds absolutely defeated before they even ask me about the paper) "Have a nice day ma'am" "Thank you, you do the same, and never call me again; if I change my mind about the paper; I Will come find you."

A few good friends

2009-03-12T10:48:00.004-05:00

This morning I woke up thinking about friendship and what it means. Through out life our friends are destined to change and by the time we are grown most likely we have chosen a few good friends who we can always rely on.
When I first began school all of the girls, it seemed, would try to meld themselves into one big group, while the boys did whatever they felt and most often chose to randomly gang up on the girls.
As time passed and we moved up grade by grade I noticed a change. Some of the girls were being systematically weeded out of the large group and sent to be alone in another area of the playground. You see, we began to develop personalities and perhaps attitudes about who was good enough to be in our group and hang out with us.
I was always one of those kids who never let myself conform to fit in with those girls when they started belittling others and chastising them from the group. I would do whatever I wanted, often it entailed me going off after the person that was recently kicked out of the group. I did not want to be the person to hurt anyone. I never agreed with what the so called "popular girls" did to the others whom they felt were not as cool as them.
After a while I was no longer a true part of the "popular group" because I had a conscience and the girls I once called friends were now too good for me. I was unable to stoop to their level so I was ousted from the group, even though I was never mean to them in return.
In middle school some things never changed. I was still chastised by the "popular girls" from elementary school. I managed to make an ex-boyfriend enemy, and when i liked a guy who was apparently in the "popular group" because I had good taste in guys, I was then chastised by the guys as well.
So when does this whole superiority complex take place? Why do some people think they are so much better than others? If we do not like someone, are we not to just let them be and keep our distance?
While on the subject of friends, I would like to mention facebook for a second. If you are not on my facebook list, it is not that I do not like you. It's more or less that people tend to add everyone they possibly can think of. If you came to me and needed help though, I would always be there. I am always willing to help someone, even if we are not that close. My nature is to be there and help whenever I can, even if we aren't close friends. I love all people.
Anyway, back to school. In High school I floated from group to group. I was not in the "popular group," and by this time I had no desire to be, these girls ridiculed me for what appeared to be no reason, and they dragged others in on it. Now when I say ridiculed, I mean ridiculous comments and faces for no reason that was apparent, but this was no where near as bad as other people had it. I can only think of a few people who treated me crappily in high school, I forgive the boys who picked on and teased me because recently I met up with one of them while out in the cities and he was very gentleman like and sincere. I also met up with one of the women; the woman who treated me the worst and if I were to say I had an arch nemesis, she would be it. The tallest girl on the basketball team, she had long dark brown straight hair and most of the time she looked angry. Now some of you may know who I am speaking of, but lets not name names. I want to say, despite the way she treated me, I forgive her. I don't know what her life was like, maybe her home life was miserable and she needed to take it out on me, who knows. If I ever did anything to hurt her feelings or to be insensitive to her, then I wish she would have told me because I was clueless.
Now that I am out of high school and almost out of college I know that I played the game all of those years and I won in many ways. I never quit and I made myself stronger for that. I know I hurt some men relationship wise, but how can you avoid that? You really can't unless you marry every one of them and that might be a bit awkward. I never purposely set out to hurt anyone. I wanted to be friends with everyone, and be civil to anyone I did not care for.
In college I started to realize that I had a few good friends. I still have a few good friends.
I had a friend once who went off and got herself mind blowingly drunk, I took her from security at a concert and got her safely back to her campsite, and made sure that she wasn't going to end up in cardiac arrest. I missed a music act that I had really wanted to see so that I could keep her safe. Her high school friends were back at the campsite, they informed me she had been gone for five hours and they were not worried, because that is just her nature. No one was looking for her including her boyfriend. Now you tell me, who is the real friend in that situation?
This is what a friend is: A friend is someone who will be there when you are at your lowest point and they will give you the encouragement you need. A friend is someone you can go out and have fun with and it is not at your expense. A friend is someone who can hurt you by telling you the truth you need to hear, but be forgiven because later on you realize they are only doing what they think is best for you. A friend is someone who does not run out on you or leave you hanging. A friend is the person you call when you cannot wait to tell someone about your accomplishments. Friends are the people you celebrate your ups with and mourn your downs with. True friends are there through thick and thin and you know in your heart who those people are.

Writing the Unwritten

2009-03-10T11:24:00.007-05:00

Throughout my life I have had many dreams. Some stronger than others, some more feasible than others. The one dream that has followed me from childhood until now is to publish my written words.

I have always loved art, many different forms. I will continue to produce photographs and graphic design, but perhaps I will add to that and create more paintings as well. These things are all fine but I cannot seem to decide if they will truly make me happy.

My entire life I have kept journals, written my feelings, stood up for beliefs, written letters, emails, and now a blog. I have created tons of poems and when I was younger, many short stories. I cannot help but believe that maybe my true nature is to write. To show people my mind and creativity through the pictures I can paint with the written word.

So what if I call myself a writer? What if I say my life's work is to write stories that others will read for many years and enjoy?

I am not sure that I am ready to call myself a writer just yet. I will however start small and attempt to publish some of my older work.

*Here's to dreams and the things we are unsure that we are capable of doing. May we dash those thoughts to the ground and trudge ahead no matter what. We need only believe in ourselves and our dreams will follow.

Life Coaching

2009-03-09T12:56:00.003-05:00

To anyone out there who may feel lost. Please visit this link and view the benefits that Life Coaching may offer you. Sage is a wonderful person who is capable of helping anyone realize and sort through what they are struggling with on a day to day basis.

www.dancingporcupine.com will get you to her information. She is still taking people for the month of April. Best wishes to you all.

Sweeney Todd

2009-03-08T22:46:00.004-05:00

Tonight I watched the movie Sweeney Todd. Many years ago I saw the play put on at my high school, well before I went to school there. (a bit gruesome for a high school play wouldn't you think? Obviously not for my school)

Anyway, I saw the play so therefore it was a necessity to see the movie. As wonderful as it was I will never watch it again. My love for knives is to be thanked on this one. It was obviously fake blood but I am not one to love how the story ends. I forgot how the play ended, not that I expected it to go in favor of Todd.

My feelings are that the music was okay but it could have been more creative. Each song sounded quite a bit alike and it was most obsessive and relentlessly drawn out. Furthermore, the movie ends with a dead end for the characters of Joanna and her so called love. Blood, anger and blah is what I got out of the movie. I give it two half smiles and a partial ear because the sounds was very hard to regulate between the singing and speaking parts.

It's a beautiful day out

2009-03-04T13:58:00.003-06:00

It is indeed a beautiful day; one of the warmest in a while. Inside it's not so beautiful; as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure inside has not changed and still feels quite cramped and stuffy. I look forward to some warmer weather so I can open up the windows and let the fresh air and warmth in.

The only season I ever look forward to is summer. I don't care about spring, fall, or winter. Bring me summer, it is the one season where I feel warm and energetic. I love to swim, hike, bike, rollerblade, walk, camp, go to amusement parks, grill out with friends. Forget the cold. Forget the raking, the shoveling and the wet muddy melting of spring. Give me a lawnmower any day. I don't mind mowing the lawn in the sun and the warmth. Some of my best memories were from Stout when I lived at the Bat Cave, mowing the lawn, sitting out and enjoying the weather, walking to friends homes, the places of gathering downtown, and grilling.

I think I could definitely move to California or Florida. The weather and the foliage fit my personality. I loved it when I was visiting Garrett in San Diego. I didn't want to go home. I could wander around for hours in the sun, or swim at the pool, completely by myself and be happy.

Winter only brings gloom, darkness, depression, lethargy, and bordom. Welcome summer, I am waiting for your appearance.

32 Giga Garbage

2009-03-03T15:44:00.003-06:00

I recently got a 32gb thumb drive, I have only had it since about the second or third week of school this semester. I transferred all of the files from my other thumb drives, from my other semesters, onto the 32gb thumbdrive.

The 32gb thumbdrive named Patriot has turned into a lean mean file eating machine. Files are vanishing and now I realize how stupid I am to not immediately make a second back-up of everything I do. I think I have back-ups but I am unsure and have not gone through and checked all of my files to be sure. Why did I wait on that?

Moral of the story is: Don't buy thumbdrives. They are little bitty monsters just waiting to be unleashed, in their finest hour they will eat and destroy, never to be seen again, 8gb or more of your precious creations.

If Love Were a Rose

2009-03-02T21:43:00.003-06:00

If Love were a Rose
The Rose wouldn't die
That's the way I feel
Both morning and night

Your sweetness is sweeter
much sweeter than wine
it makes me feel happy
and full of sunshine...

-this poem is an excerpt from my past, this is only part of it.

Animation Irritation

2009-03-02T21:26:00.004-06:00

I'm not sure as to how many of you have ever used the program Flash CS3, but I can assure you that if you are new to it, it can be quite frustrating when things go wrong for what appears to be no apparent reason.

My job is to create an animation of a character walking across a stage or scene. My character refuses to work. For some reason I cannot get my rotational access to stay in place. This is almost more frustrating than when I was in 3D Animation last semester and my Snowman kept flying apart. Instead of my snowman flying apart, an entire city block is disappearing and my rotational access keeps reverting back to center.

This animation is of a flower. She is to walk across a city block and she does not seem to have any desire to do so.

If anyone knows what I am doing wrong, then please, by all means, put me out of my misery and tell me lol.

Rockfest 2009

2009-02-27T11:47:00.004-06:00

Every year I cannot wait for the third weekend in July to come around.

Rockfest. Four wonderful days of fun, sun, music and friends.

This year the perfect Rockfest weekend is at stake simply because the owners think they are catering to the youner crowd. It's not that I hate Buck Cherry, Saving Abel or Seether, it's just that I enjoy the older bands that I grew up with and my family loves. I love Aerosmith, The Foo Fighters, Weezer. Why can't we have bands like that?

So because of the list of bands that my family does not know and their friends do not know, it may be just us twenty-somethings going this year. Greatly saddened by the thought of this because those other people make us want to be there.

Perhaps I will not go this year?

So Now What?

2009-02-26T11:26:00.004-06:00

Sometimes life sends us away from where we think we are going. Now and then a bump in the road, a misfortune, a fork, a turn, a lucky streak; no matter how you put it, something leads you in a different direction. Once in a while it is a gut feeling. Sometimes we say it is our heart. Whatever happens, we made a decision or were forced to make a decision and now we are on a different path.

What if we miss that directional change? Is it possible to force yourself to stay on a path that is not intended for you? How certain are our gut instincts? Can we go against the forces of nature?

I don't really know the answer to this. I would like to believe that everything happens for a reason whether it is marriage, divorce, death, a promotion, a move, or a job change. Perhaps it is that large things in life are left to fate but smaller things like how we treat our body, is left to us?

Anyway. I want to know where I am going. I want to know what fate has in store for me. I have changed schools, changed majors, started in art, come back to art and now that I'm graduating in May I am left asking the question again...

Is this where I belong? Is this what I am meant to do? Am I a Graphic Designer, or am I a writer? Career tests tell me that I could be any of these but the number one thing has come out to be a writer.

How do I know which road to take? What are my guts telling me? Where do I go from here? I don't really know. I think it is possible to have frustration and confusion cover up whatever your gut instinct is.

So Now What?

Nightmare continued

2009-02-25T17:39:00.005-06:00

One of the guys lunged at me in fury and I quickly scooted from his grasp and jumped into the water. As I hit the icey water I noticed we were not alone. Two police officers were coming toward us at a rampant speed. As the officers drew near they swiftly dragged my dripping body onboard. A wave of relief washed over me. The boys were quickly put in check and the officers began to speed away with me in their boat.

The boat however, was not heading toward land. I felt sick to my stomach as I realized each officer was brandishing a silver gleaming knife. They began to advance and without a single word one of them thrust their knife into my shoulder. I recoiled in fear and headed toward the bow of the boat.. I started swinging a bouy in the air just hoping that it would keep them back.

The officers began to throw knives at me. My body was beginning to sting all over and my icey wet clothes were now crimson and warm. I did not know how long I could keep this up for... surely it was the end.

At 4:30am I was violently jolted awake with the feeling of fear and anguish still fresh in my mind. It was a nightmare. A constant repeating nightmare. It happens all of the time. Always with knives. Always with terror.

Nightmares

2009-02-25T08:54:00.004-06:00

It was a bright sunny afternoon and I was out with a classmate from DCTC. She was informing me on her decision to purchase a piece of land to put her mobile home on. As we pulled up to the site our jaws both dropped. The piece of land so to speak, was barily large enough for a tent, let alone the elephant of a home she had wanted to park there. She turned to me in tears and left the scene immediately.

I did the only thing I could think of. I pitched a tent on the property and staked it as home. As I was inside the tent I noticed the noisy neighbors next door were getting a bit "rowdie" as they used to say on my middle school cheerleading squad.

Suddenly with a jolt i realized I was no longer stationary. In fact I was traveling down a hill straight toward the water. The "rowdie" neighbor boys had hooked my tent and were taking me for a ride.

I quickly crawled from my tent to theirs, which appeared to be on some form of vehicle. I was not welcomed well. They snarled at me and made me feel very uncomfortable and somewhat in danger. As we hit the water I began to see my possibilites of escape were dwindling...

Movies, Shows, Books

2009-02-23T17:49:00.007-06:00

Just a few of the things I like. Let me know what you think the best shows on tv are, and which ones you feel have "jumped the shark".

My favorite show at this time is Lie to Me. It's new and it's a fun twist on the usual dectective story. If you haven't seen Lie to Me, you can check it out on Fox Wednesdays at 9/8c.
The show stars Tim Roth whom I have loved ever since the movie Four Rooms. Roth's character cannot be fooled, he always knows when people are lying because he can see it in their facial expressions as well as their body language. This makes life for those around him very interesting and a bit complex. I think if I were his daughter I would feel as if I were walking on egg shells constantly.

As far as books go I have been reading books about writing and I am finish The Amber Spyglass which has been a great book. Though it is very religiously controversial, it is a fiction novel so I feel that it's okay to read. This fantasy novel looks at the world and the church and takes a totally different view on everything. The characters are charming and interesting and I cannot wait to see how the book truly ends.

On the movie front I am dying to see a couple of the girly films right now. I have to fulfill a certain yearning inside me to watch the girl's night movies every so often. The movies I want to see right now are Confessions of a Shopaholic, and He's Just Not That Into You, which I believe the later is a couples movie and would go well if you have been with the person for a longer amount of time. How tragic would it be if you were sitting in the movie theatre with your new fling and you realized that he just isn't that into you...

Other movies of interest currently are: Taken, and (as everyone around me rolls their eyes), Fired Up. Yes I said it; you never know it may be funny.. I am hoping for Eurotrip funny but it's more of a teen flick I think so I won't hold my breath.

Day One

2009-02-23T16:26:00.001-06:00

Today is the beginning of the Tricia's Mark Blog. This blog is for artistic expression. I know it is a bit plain now, but soon enough this blog will be buzzin.